Thursday April 15, 2010
Alto Paraiso
I left my apartment last Saturday to walk over to see Uta at the lotus space. Rounding the corner past the open field next to my block of flats, three toucans flew by as I passed the Prefeitura (mayor’s office) and the gymnasium. Passing the now empty space where the Saturday farmers market is held, I thought how cool it is that I am now seeing so many toucans, even flying through the streets of town. It was a sunny Saturday afternoon, a few hours after the market had ended and cleared out for the day and I had the feeling that everyone had either left town to head to the waterfalls or were quietly inside their houses having lunch and an afternoon nap. Whatever the reason, the streets were empty and I was appreciating the fact that I could walk alone without having to greet anyone along my way. There are moments like these when Alto Paraiso feels like a ghost town and I kind of like it that way. As I continued past the ferrias (farmers market) I walked past the funeral home which always gets my imagination running wild thinking what is this Grupo Serpios with the strange symbol encased in wings? Walking up the hill, I approached the double boulevard which encircles the town but seems so out of place. No one actually stops at the stop signs on either side because there’s never any traffic passing by. One simply needs to roll slowly up to the corner, take a peek in either direction and continue on the way. When walking even that is barely necessary. On the other side of the street I felt as if I was walking on top of the world as from this vantage point I am high above the rest of town looking over the tree tops towards a ring of mountains which surrounds the little pueblo. It’s not hot but the sun feels warm on my skin and I breath in the fresh clean air and sigh a moment of appreciation for being in this magical place. Today it feels magical. Other days it does not. It’s uncanny how it changes with my frame of mind. I am happy today that no one is about and Rocket can stroll along nearby without the worry of cars in the road. Even the mean dogs behind the gates who bark ferociously as he passes, seem to be taking a siesta today. It makes the passage so much more tranquil. The lotus space rests midway down the hill, still affording it a lovely view over the village of the mountains beyond. Entering through the gate between the two blue domes, I always feel a sense of pleasure at the beauty of these hand crafted buildings which sparkle in the sun light. Even here there seems to be no one about except Yvonnia who is cleaning the loft above the restaurant for the arrival of Pedro’s sister. Her obnoxious little barking Chihuahua greets us at the door. This little dog used to live next door to us in our first house when we lived in front of Vistara. I remember her name is Nina and that she hates Rocket and barks incessantly when she sees him, baring her little Chihuahua teeth and curling her lip as if to warn him away from this house which today she is protecting.
With the news that Uta is not there but has gone off to have lunch, Rocket and I continue on our way down the hill to the river. In this strange land of the high plateau here in the inner most interior of Brazil, one simply has to walk down to the lowest point in the landscape to find a lush and tropical river. Along the way I love to marvel at the plants and the trees which offer up some kind of interesting seed or pod or flower which I can use to fashion some kind of artistic sculpture. This I will miss more than anything. Not far down the paved street from Lotus where my good friend stays with her friends now that we have returned to town and no longer have a home we can share together, a side street veers off and follows a dirt lane winding past my former home, and beyond the little Waldorf school called Fada Madrina (Fairy Godmother) where the rookery for all the Arraras (Macaws) sits high above in the clouds at the top of the giant eucalyptus tree. It’s not unusual to find bright blue and yellow feathers in the road as I walk past. Across form Fada Madrina is the home of Marco, Meili and Shankar, but they sadly are in Brasilia where Shankar, the 11 month old son of Meili and Marco is receiving transfusions and very ill. I send thoughts of love and wishes for his recovery as I continue down the lane past the little cottage where Tomasina used to live when we first arrived. Rocket is happy as he is about his favorite things, walking and exploring the various scents of the landscape. At the end of this quiet dirt lane, the houses of town end at a large stand of bamboo and one last farm. Often I hear and see their chickens scratching in the garden. As I approach this place, my breath comes back in full exhalation because I have at last left the village and am surrounded now only by the sounds of nature. Walking here under a canopy of large shade trees that line the sides of the road which leads from town winding through the valley before heading steeply up the mountain to an area where several friends have settled into a cozy community of rather upscale homes, including an Iranian princess and a holistic international doctor who conducts ritualistic ayahuasca ceremonies in a shamanic tradition when she is in the country, I am at peace. Rocket is in heaven. The road rounds a bend and then begins to gently descend past a field which often has a few cows grazing and Arraras flying overhead. With palm trees edging the distant border, this sight has me gasp at its phenomenal beauty every time I come here. At the final descending curve the sides of the embankment are exposed to reveal a deep orange clay which is often taken by the passerby to be used for ceramics, apparent by the cavernous divot creating an ominous overhanging cliff, just where the road, itself mostly clay here and very steep, is slippery by foot at its last approach to the cement bridge crossing the river. Just beyond this bridge a short trail takes me to a swimming hole which in certain times of low water has a tiny island in the middle. No one is here and that is just perfect for me as I feel this day like being alone with my thoughts.
As I sat on a rock on the edge of the swimming hole surrounded by forest, I was feeling such appreciation for this magical place and considering staying on here without Paul. In that moment it felt right. Thoughts like this have passed through my mind and through my heart often these last couple months as it became more and more apparent that Paul wanted to return to the States. At his suggestion I considered the best path for me and what would bring me the most peace. It occurred to me in this quiet place to stop thinking of my own happiness and I was able at last to finally put myself into Paul’s shoes for a moment and feel his suffering and unhappiness and at last I understood that it wasn’t about my own happiness but his that I needed to understand and consider and now help him to find his happiness again, whether I stayed or not. Nothing was resolved this day, but it was a moment of illumination to feel this and it stayed with me and changed me.
This was a magical day for me. There are times like this in life that have profound impact and stay with you; moments that change you. I once had a very special teacher who told me to watch for the subtleties. In my experience the biggest most life altering revelations come through in a subtle way. Some of us, if we’re not used to noticing the subtleties, miss them with only a passing thought of wonder, shrugging it off and losing the impact. Honestly when our minds are too noisy, our lives too busy, we can’t notice these things and learn from them. They whiz by, the lessons missed or lost.
It’s Friday, April 16th, almost a week later and I have decided to return to Vermont with Paul without question as we are booking flights and making all the necessary arrangements. It feels important now to write as much about this place while it is fresh in my mind before it becomes a distant memory.
Brazil is a vast country as diverse, if not even more so than the United States. It too has many states, each uniquely as different from one another as Vermont is from Alabama. I have seen only a few and can only relate my own impressions and experiences from my unique perspective, for whatever that is worth. Since I’ve not centered my travels around the usual tourist destinations, these musings will probably not be of much use to the typical traveler looking for a great vacation on Brazil’s beautiful beaches, for example. Although I did spend a couple weeks last winter in the Atlantic rainforest and spent some time at the beach near Itacare in Bahia, I can attest to the incredible beauty and magnificence of Brazil’s beaches and that was only one of many more that would knock your socks off. My focus even then on that first trip to Brazil was an esoteric agenda, exploring the uniquely different avenues to expanding consciousness that Brazil has to offer. Since then I have learned so much, I hesitate to use the phrase, “esoteric agenda” because now this has implications more evil than I wish to expound upon. As a research journey this has proved to be invaluable.
If you ask me what I think of Brazil, do I like it here, I have to answer in all honesty, yes and no. There is so much about Brazil I do not like and don’t choose to live in. What I do like, actually love about Brazil are the people. I’ve never known better people anywhere in the world. They are unusual in that their roots are so mixed between the Indians who are indigenous to this continent, the Africans who were brought here to be slaves, and the white Europeans who came here from not only from Portugal where they got their language but as many from Germany and Italy, primarily and many other countries in addition. Through the years of blending, there is no real strong sense of division, no clear cut division between black skin and white skin because there is every shade in between, creating such a beautiful mocha skinned people, I couldn’t begin to guess if they were black or white and the real beauty is no one cares, it doesn’t seem to matter. You often hear people say, “They’re poor but their happy.” This is truer than you’d think. What’s noticeably different between our cultures is the absence of attention on earning and having money and basic survival, leaving time for relationships to take precedence over time schedules and commitments. The very thing that drives Paul crazy about being here is also the thing we both love best about the people here. He can’t walk down the street to go to the bakery for example without running into two or three people he knows and want to stop and chat with him. For someone who is basically a hermit, this is irritating. When we walk together, for example just the other day we walked two blocks to get an ice cream cone and encountered a French man I’d only met earlier that morning who wanted to chat with us, Paul stands there silently imploring me to end the conversation so he can move along and get done and get back to the solace and privacy of his inner sanctum, the apartment. I keep hoping it’s just his fragile state of needing alone time right now as he recovers from the harrowing journey to Argentina and back, but no, this is common behavior from a person who prefers to be alone and detests chit chat.
I was noting down a list of names of all the people I knew here in this town and wanted to remember after I’m gone and I was astounded at how many there are. I’ve never known so many people and had so many friends. It’s uncanny, this place and how this works. This is a community more unusual than even my imagination could have invented. Sitting high in the middle of the Chapada, a national park which encompasses five towns as well as the actual parklands, this town looks like many other typical Brazilian towns with its mixture of very poor and simple native neighborhoods with some poorly attended structures looking not much more than shacks and some more well to do neighborhoods with well kept nicer homes behind gated fences. Unlike other Brazilian towns this one also has hand crafted artfully designed houses, often inspired by ayahuasca visions. Houses like I remember falling in love with in a book depicting the handmade houses of Woodstock, New York – hippie houses, only way cooler. There are even neighborhoods on the hill filled with many of these kinds of houses because this is an alternative community mixed with a more traditional native town and also settled by followers of Osho and other various spiritual teachers for more than thirty years. Many of the original settlers from that time are still here. When they came the streets of town were still unpaved. Since then people from around the world have been showing up, looking for an alternative lifestyle, some of them staying while others have only passed through for a time. I’ve never lived in an international community like this before and that appeals to me, but it’s a community still in the making and has had trouble becoming what it really wants to be. It is still a Brazilian town with all the limitations that go along with being a town in a third world country. There is division and animosity between most of the native Brazilians and the more wealthy Europeans who hire the natives to do work for them, rather than becoming their friends and showing them the same respect and friendship they would to a fellow European. It’s hard to see and since I don’t feel this way but feel love and appreciation for the Brazilian people I never feel the resentment that Paul sees when he looks around. But I understand its there and know that it creates tension.
For me the town is not a paradise, but when I leave the edge of town and the energy of the city, I do experience paradise. When I find myself in the company of friends both old and new, engaging in conversations with people who are having a similar experience of life and experiencing a reality like mine, this to me feels like paradise. It’s about kindred spirits. This to me is so important and not easy to find, but it exists here. Being in a tropical place with toucans and macaws, exotic plants and trees, waterfalls and fruits in abundance, this to me feels like a paradise, but the minute you have to leave this little haven to deal with business of any kind, driving the 3 hours into the capitol city to interact with beaurocracy, this feels punishing and leaves you wishing for the familiarity of your own country where at least you speak the language fluently and understand the rules.
Now that I have begun to speak with people about my intention to return to Vermont in such a way that acknowledges how much I love it there and what a great place it is, a few are admitting their previously unspoken disappointment with certain factors about this place and staying here. Before, there was always an effort to dissuade me from leaving and encourage me to stay. I’ve even had one long time resident tell me she feels stuck here and admires that I am as free as a butterfly.
This morning Paul and I spoke with a neighbor outside our apartment about leaving. He too feels the distress and discouragement of being here, though he is a native Brazilian. He has also traveled the world and has a mother who lives in the US. We are all coming to the conclusion that there is nowhere to hide. The problems exist everywhere; they only vary slightly from place to place. So we will each choose to be where we find the most happiness.
I can’t say why it is so difficult, but from the very beginning until now, the very end, we have not mastered the art of making a telephone call in this country whether by land line or mobile. This presents insurmountable difficulties when the need arises. We must go in search of a helpful friend, who like us, speaks English but as well speaks Portuguese. But most do not even have a land line and minutes are preciously expensive on mobile phones. The fact is to conduct any business usually requires long drives to far away places and hours of slow moving time. Our quest to try to reclaim the unused portions of our airline tickets had us driving the nearly three hours into the airport to spend many hours in pursuit of the answer to the question, was it possible.
Sunday April 18, 2010
The Journey
Lao Tzu said it was better to stay at home, live a simple life. I understand now. The journey is really not an outer one but an inner one. Travel however is broadening; how else can one know how others live, experience other cultures, get new ideas. Certainly movies give you an experience as real as life, especially with high definition graphics which honestly creep both Paul and I out. The brain, you know can not separate what it sees on the movie or television or even computer screen from what it processes through visual sight first hand through your eyes and so called “real” experience. It is all the same to your brain. All that violence you’re exposed to on the movie screen goes into your psyche and affects you as much as it would if you were right there on the street next to it watching it happen. But unless you know the people, sit down and have a conversation together, get invited into their home, shop in their markets; the experience really isn’t the same. On one level different cultures each offer a unique experience with a different flavor and twist to the lessons we are all here to have in this schoolyard of life. But from a broader perspective, though they may be eating passion fruit ice cream while we are eating chocolate, we’re all still eating ice cream. What am I trying to say? I think it’s important to have an open mind and an open heart, to be able to put yourself into the shoes of another and understand them, have compassion for their suffering, appreciate them even if you can not even begin to understand why they are so different from you. This has become a harder task for those us of who have not had the opportunities to live in the shoes of another even for a short moment. There is an intentional design to this. You see those very few who have been controlling and shaping the destiny of the rest of us though the power of money and all that trickles down from that like government etc, want to keep humanity divided every way they can, by race, by circumstance, by intelligence or lack of it, education or lack of it, by many many things: the design is the same to keep us divided and separate with a lack of understanding or compassion for “the other.” So in the end, what is there to do but live a simple life close to home. Open your heart to anyone you can reach, help in any way you can, try to keep your body healthy and strong by eating “real” pure foods – not the chemically engineered crap they are selling us in grocery stores and telling is actually “food,” by the way, it’s not.
I got my first real education from Landmark Education. I remember sitting in their first weekend course thinking, “I know that, I already know that.” I thought to myself, Mindy if you’re going to take that smug attitude that you already know, how will you keep an open enough mind to learn anything?” But the thing is that what we are here to do is “remember” because we all already know but we’ve forgotten. We need help to remember and through our own individual teachers, whoever they might be as they are different for each of us, we begin to remember what we’ve forgotten. Years later when I became a student of Sufism, I was asked what I was looking for. I said I wanted to find a teacher or a guide to help me to grow and expand. I was given the Sufi name for God that means guide and instructed to chant this name in my meditation for the purpose of finding the inner guide within myself. I did. Paul asked to know and see everything and he too was given two special names to chant. All I can say is be careful what you ask for. Because I am on this journey with him, I can see now and know more now than I ever wanted to know. Sometimes I wish I didn’t but you can’t really un-see or un-know a thing just as you can not re-enter the womb if you change your mind. I had a friend once who one day blurted out, “oh fuck you!” He paused rethought what he’d just said and then said, “un-fuck you.” I thought that was hilarious at the time and have since attempted to un say a thing I wished I hadn’t said, but the sad truth is that every word we say, every action we take effects the vibration of the entire galaxy. That was something I began to learn through Landmark. They taught me to take responsibility for how my words and actions affected other people. They taught me that everything I do makes a difference. I don’t think I realized that before. Even now it’s often hard to remember, especially for me because I do my thinking as I speak (or write) not before so I don’t have a good censor in place like some people. Paul for instance is very good at thinking deeply about what he wishes to say, before he actually says it. Since that time this revelation has deepened within me to a much fuller understanding of how each of us impacts everything. You can see it in the smallest example, for instance of remembering a day when someone smiled at you and that smile made you happy all day long. Or if you are as sensitive as me, maybe someone you know seemed sad or upset, maybe they simply had gas and a stomach ache and you made up all kinds of stories about how they were upset with you for something you did or said and it kept you in upset for the rest of the day- maybe even for several days? We’re all just a vibration of energy. There is no solid matter. Even the atom is hollow. You should listen to or read some of the new information from the sciences that is being revealed about this! So all we are is energy. There is no separation between us, we are connected, each a part of a whole, with everything. Of course we have an effect on everything around us. So many people look around at the mess the planet is in right now and think, “What can I do? I’m just one person. I can’t change or even affect anything.” That’s not true. I love what Gandhi said. I keep seeing this particular quote on people’s t-shirts and actually it’s popping up all over the place now. He said, “Be the thing you wish to see in the world.” I hope I quoted him correctly. The message is, start living life as if it already is everything you wish it was, that every thing you hope and dream for already exists. It does if you believe it does. Live as if it does.
I know I’ve mentioned this before but it bears repeating. Every Saturday at 5:00 pm Greenwich Time Max Igan, an Australian internet radio show host, has created a worldwide group meditation for one hour. At the same time all over the world (whatever is the same in your time zone) people do a meditation that is simply living life as if the world we wished we lived in exists now. My friend Marco asked me the other day if I would write on my blog and ask everyone to take a minute once a week and repeat the word amour (love) over and over for only one minute at the very same time so that we could send a vibration of love around the world for that moment. He said it would make a huge difference. He didn’t know that Max Igan was doing his global meditation and I would venture to guess that there are many others also creating something like this. It’s powerful what we can affect with a vibration of love. Marco suggested we begin a day say for example 6am on Monday morning in this way. And why not?
I’m not saying I have already gained any facility at remaining equanamous, in fact far from it. I am like a sponge absorbing the emotion from all around me. These days the person I am most connected to is struggling with his health and with his happiness. He is feeling a strong calling to return home and has been fighting me every step of the way to let him leave, to let him follow this gut feeling that he has to go. You know most of us feel these things long before we actually understand what they are saying to us and we can voice to another let alone voice to ourselves. We sit with these strong gut feelings a long time before we understand them enough to say what we need to effect the change we need to make. When it finally forms into cohesive thought we think we’ve already said what it is we feel so strongly and wonder why the ones around us don’t already understand what we need from them, because by this time it is so obvious to us we think we’ve already expressed it outwardly in a way that it should be obvious to those others we are in close relationships with. And then, quite often resentment has begun, why you might ask have you kept me from doing or having what I want or need? Don’t you love me enough to see? But then those of us on the other side of this equation are trapped within our own fragile ecosystems of body chemistry, emotions, thoughts and feelings working diligently to keep our own rudders on course. How few of us are so grounded and centered that we can put aside our own private preoccupations to know even before they do that our loved ones are in trouble and need our assistance. I often forget a thing I learned, I think from the Dali Lama, that to put others first brings the most joy. When we can help another, bring joy or peace to another, our own happiness increases threefold. It’s true, I’ve tried it and found those times to be my best.
These are challenging times on the planet for all of us. Many changes are underway. Sometimes I become very frightened at the course of events that may occur, but fear is the very thing that keeps us from having the outcome we want. Paul and I have this discussion quite often. He insists that there are only two emotions: love and fear. I always want to debate the truth of this because I have such a rich vast emotional cadre and taken each nuance of emotion to the depths of their possibilities. But no he insists that every other emotion other than love is at its roots, fear. So lets say I go along with this fact which he insists is indisputable, then we have to say that the only thing to do is remain in a state of love and that my friends is the only goal. I’m down with that. I always thought that love was the only thing that really mattered. So I try. Sometimes I even pray (I use that term broadly) that I can become just an emanating force of love and light that reaches out and touches everything and everyone. I sometimes meditate on this aim. Sometimes it works and I can see that my love reaches out and touches them and they reflect it back. Rumi, my favorite poet, once spoke of us being mirrors. I think maybe we are and the relationships and interactions we have with others reflect back to us how we are being with them. If we are broadcasting love, it bounces off, like a reflection and comes back to surround us in love.
But like everyone, maybe a little less often than some, but none the less, I have moments when I am very frightened. It is so disempowering. In these moments I feel frozen into inaction. This is what I am struggling to overcome because in the framework of the absence of fear, which Paul will say is automatically love, we can create any possible outcome we want in this moment. The future doesn’t actually exist, only another moment, which exists NOW, replaced by another and then another. The week before I left Alto Paraiso to begin that arduous journey to Argentina, I was reading a book of talks that Osho gave in India. He said that everyday he wakes up with a choice, to be happy or not. Several days after reading that I remembered that I had that choice and in each moment when I felt like I might be bothered by the circumstance I was in, I remembered that I could just as easily choose to be happy. It’s not always easy, but I’m trying to remember I still have that choice.
Two nights ago we rented a video to watch called 2012; maybe some of you have seen this huge blockbuster Hollywood production? As I watched I found myself feeling more and more tense and frightened at the prospect of such cataclysmic disaster. I know that all Hollywood movies are actually made with the intention of conditioning the public and prepping us to be ready to accept some intended future outcome. It’s not for the sole purpose of your entertainment and their profit as you might think. As I was watching, and by the way, not believing that this is what will happen as you might think, I was remembering about my choice to be happy. I was remembering that what these elite powers that control everything want is for us as a human race to be afraid, because then they have more control of the outcome. It also occurred to me how important it will be when each disaster strikes, to be equanamous, to maintain my equilibrium, remain unafraid and calmly face whatever disastrous situation I am presented with. I think it’s a good idea to be prepared to survive without systems, yes, but if my mountain erupts in a volcano, and I am not meant to survive, I can exit this life without fear. If it means that I am only to have to exist without the public services that I depend on for food or fuel, then I can still feed myself and heat my home with wood. For each of us the circumstances vary, depending on where we live, but these are the things I’d like to be prepared for. I’d rather put my efforts into these endeavors than focus on what job I can do for what company that will pay me enough to pay my mortgage to the bank and the bill to the power company for my electricity and the grocery store for my food. It takes less to provide for myself and in the end, for me this is a better way to live, connected to the earth, with a simpler loop from the source to the recipient. I personally prefer it this way. But we have lost this connection in our times in our culture. We’ve forgotten the basic skills necessary for this kind of life. I’m happy to be returning to a community that has realized this and has formed a network that is hooking people up who still have these skills to teach the to the people who want to learn them again. They call themselves the “Post Oil Solutions.” It’s a good model for a new way of life, returning to a more simple agrarian kind of life where each person can contribute from their own skills so that everyone in the end has what they need.
Some would say that this system we now live in provided great opportunities for the ones who are willing to put the effort in to thrive. I disagree because it is not only a matter of willingness to put forth effort, but luck and circumstance play too heavy a role and many unfortunately lose out and go without while those few lucky ones have way more than they need and in my opinion often too much. (I hate having opinions) But I’m not a communist or a capitalist or even a socialist. I am not an IST of any kind. I simply want everyone to have what they need. I don’t think that’s asking too much. Paul likes to say that he would like to see a world in which having more than another would become a source of shame, not pride. But he will clarify that to explain that he too is not a communist. The real truth is that there are enough resources in the world for everyone to live with much more than a subsistence level of survival. There is enough for everyone to live a very good life. Please don’t misunderstand what I say because I do not wish to make anyone wrong for having more than another or for having a spent a lifetime creating success or even wealth. It is only a faulty system, not bad people for excelling in the system. We were given a game board to play on with rules for the game. In this game there are winners and losers. I just think it’s a shitty game. I’d prefer a game with no losers; that’s all. Silly me, maybe….
So this crazy newsletter I’ve been writing which somehow has found an interested readership is a mixed blessing. On the one hand I want to share what I know in an attempt to awaken others from the slumber that we have been programmed into accepting as normal reality. I keep thinking if we know we can change the outcome. On the other hand, sometimes sleep is bliss. When things are bad, sleep is a nice respite from our troubles. In those few hours one can escape into a different world where those troubles don’t exist. And who is to say which is the nightmare and which the reality. There’s a fantastic story from Chang Tzu in which he tells about a dream. In the dream he is Chang Tzu dreaming he is a butterfly but upon awakening he no longer knows if he is Chang Tzu dreaming he is the butterfly or the butterfly dreaming he is Chang Tzu. I know I myself have memories that I can not catalog as a dream or my waking reality, the memory is too surreal to classify. Paul says that he has told some stories so many times now that he doesn’t know if he remembers the incident or some telling of the incident. Isn’t it like that for all of us. How can we really say for sure which is the truth, which is the reality? But I stray from my point. If one has not awoken to certain disturbing facts about life but is simply living the prescribed plan in a state of acceptance and compliance and is content with things as they are, is it a disservice to relay conflicting information and therefore disturb their sense of peace? I used to love to do what I read on my favorite bumper sticker, disturb the comfortable, comfort the disturbed. But now the implications of that action are too severe. I don’t know if I want to disturb anybodies comfort anymore. It’s too hard to find.
In the academic world of Ego Development, what I prefer to call the expansion and development of consciousness, I have learned that a disruption takes place between stages of development. In each stage there exists a platform of perspective where one settles into a comfort zone and operates from a fairly now well defined worldview. What seems to cause the jump from one way of experiencing life to the next more expanded way is a total disruption and chaos from which one can no longer organize new information into the existing framework. All new reference points have to be constructed before one shifts their worldview to the new platform. This is a very uncomfortable process to go through. If you are like me, being uncomfortable is next to intolerable. But really good things come out of processes like these. When one door closes, another one opens to a better place. Saying goodbye to the familiar is painful, even if it wasn’t working; at least you knew the rules and could function there. We happen to think that humanity is going through this process now. We like to think that all this suffering is the disruption that will cause ego growth and consciousness is struggling to expand to possibilities greater than any of us can imagine. We’re doing it on a personal level, but as above so below. Many think we are a hologram. What happens in the tiniest sense is exactly happening in the grandest sense. All consciousness is now in disruption on the verge of constructing a new reality, a whole new broader platform of understanding. It has to be. So am I making a mistake sharing what I know about the elite ruling families? Maybe? But I also believe there are no mistakes so I can’t possibly do anything I shouldn’t be doing. My script has already been written. It has to have been. Who could possibly write a choose your own adventure script on this grand level with billions of different outcomes. It must be the finest musical score ever composed, the most elegantly choreographed dance ever created; the whole galaxy is involved- all consciousness is interwoven, how could I, little me, make a mistake? So what can I say? Just be happy.