October 3, 2009
Last night I had the strangest dream. It was one of those dreams that’s more real than life, long and complex and sharply detailed. I knew I was leaving Ecletica and I sat at a desktop computer at odds with the system here and unable to make my view understood. Later in the dream I slept in a room with a large plate glass window. Children came and cut three circular holes in the glass to reach inside and leave offerings which consisted of a basket with paper money in each. Two of the holes were connected as a double hole in the shape of a figure eight. In a later part of the dream I was attempting to climb upon a chair to reach a narrow window high on the wall. The chair wasn’t working and Gaudencio was there to help me find a more suitable chair to climb upon so that I could reach and climb through the opening. He was annoyed. Up on the roof an assembly of various things had been arranged. Several of my smocked and embroidered baby dresses were hanging individually splayed out as if on a semi circular retail display rack so that each could be partially seen one above another. Curiously, each dress had one bill of money stuffed inside the neck. Nearby was an arrangement of pamphlets and journals which had been underlined. These were, I had supposed in the dream, written by Yokaanam. Noticeably underlined was my nickname Mindala, but the spelling looked somehow archaic or antiquated. And also there was a grouping of shelves with some sort of products displayed as if a store had been set up.
All this appeared to be some sort of homage to me in an attempt by the children to convince me to stay. I was also perturbed by the efforts because my intention was to leave. In the midst of the dream I felt myself aware that I was dreaming and wondering about the meaning of the dream but not completely awake, in that state which lies between dreaming and waking, known as hypnopompic or is it hypnogogic (its one or the other) It occurred to me then that the vision I had in my Ayahuasca journey which lingers with me in my memory so clearly, was precisely reminiscent of something here. In that vision, I was taken to a very strangely cone shaped hill which was encircled by and completely covered with voluptuous flower gardens. A beautiful white cobble stoned path spiraled around this cone shaped mound leading through the flower gardens to the top of the hill where a jewel encrusted or perhaps it was simply colorful and sparkling stones in mosaic style which covered most of this little white stucco house. Because of its sparkling nature it was like a palace yet not grand in size, quite modest and simple but devastatingly beautiful. In my vision I asked in delight and surprise, “This is where I live?” and the answer was confirmed that it was.
This morning in the midst of my dream, it occurred to me that this very same cone shaped hill of my vision is the exact shape of these strange little mounds that seem to pop up from level ground in an unlikely way around here. The difference being that here they burn off all the foliage and these mounds are just bare dirt! One just like this is Mount Tabor where Yokaanam built his chapel when he 1st arrived. If I’m not mistaken it is at the exact longitude and latitude given to him in his vision and a huge wooden cross marks the spot which was said to be the center of his new fraternity. It’s a very beautiful place but just the other day driving past we saw they had lit a circle of flame around the base of the mountain, presumably to clear the brush. The fact that they do that here infuriates both of us as they are removing all the lush tropical growth to control the weeds or make grazing land. Are there no lawnmowers? Is there not some other way? The story we were told about Mount Tabor is that it is predicted that when the end times come they will move all the people in grade 5 and above here to live, while the others will have to remain behind where they currently reside. I have a lot more to say about this later because it brings so many other questions into play.
Meanwhile the significance of that dream lingers on in my thoughts and leaves me questioning if I need to stay to help the children to create a different future perhaps than the one that may be in store?
………
We drove to Pirenopolis today and found a great pousada where we’ll be able to stay until we leave the area which we anticipate to be around the middle of the month after we get our car ownership papers. We will put things in place between now and then to stay in Rio for a month and attend the language immersion classes at Casa Caminha in Ipanema. And before we go we’ll spend a few days visiting Seu Jorge and Alto Paraiso again.
Our thoughts have changed considerably since hearing of Yokaanam’s origins and his connection to the Dutch royal family. Of course Paul has thought of little else as his mind is always analyzing and contemplating connections between this and that. The other day on our drive into Taguatinga to get our car, we listened to Gaudencio explain the hierarchical organization of the fraternity. He was attempting to explain how the Elders would be replaced when they retire at the age of 80. We said nothing but later discussed our reactions to this information and were in agreement that the power structure with its rules and regulations make us rather uncomfortable.
After the dream I had this morning I now feel as Paul has for several days already that I do not want to stay on here. We wonder at the possibility of danger although we feel quite safe right now.
Sunday October 4, 2009
More on the saga as it continues….
Yesterday we spent the best part of the day traveling back to Pirenopolis and found as I mentioned earlier a really cool pousada to stay in, thinking we’d go there on Tuesday after we finished up here meeting with the Elders and saying our goodbyes. Later in the evening at the invitation of our friend Aramis to hear his son play music we made our way down a very dark and deserted road, to a highway where the sign to the club led down yet another long winding road. Expecting to see the club after turning the first bend, we were surprised and just a little frightened when the dirt driveway wound steeply down into the valley around turn after turn for several miles with no other cars on the road. We wondered if we were on the right road as we expected to see other people on their way to the club as well, but we kept going in spite of our trepidation until we at last pulled into a parking lot and saw a few other cars. There was a gatehouse to pass through and insufficient language skills to maneuver our way in without the assistance of our friend Aramis. With my severe case of laryngitis, I was not excited about trying to communicate our invitation but tackled the challenge in spite of my reluctance. After a few uncomfortable moments of silence and confusion, they waved us through the gate and we stood at the top of a long steep driveway looking into semi darkness at the club below with no sign of Aramis or anyone we knew.
What we encountered was intriguing and strangely reminiscent of an exotic club we visited in the south of France several years earlier. We’d heard a little about this place before coming and knew it was a swim club but hadn’t envisioned its size and scope from the description. There were only a few other people there as early as we arrived, thinking we’d been summoned to come at this time. After our former lifestyle living in the mountains of Vermont, nine o’clock seems like bedtime to us, but out in the rest of the world, the night is young and not yet really underway. We walked around looking to see if we might find Aramis and then opted for seats as far from the speakers as possible to wait for our friend.
About to give up on waiting, we thought to slip out unnoticed but met Aramis and his girlfriend coming down the path as we were on our way back to the car up the long steep path. Have I mentioned Aramis speaks no English? “Are you leaving or coming?” he asked in his perfect Portuguese and to be polite, of course we changed directions to join them while the last thing Paul wanted to do was stay. However the evening turned out to be almost fun. We met some great people, drank some beer and listened to 2 acts until half past eleven when we begged out before Aramis’ son even took the stage. We were quite surprised at the magnitude of the club when Aramis and his girlfriend took us on a tour past the 5 restaurants, 3 swimming pools, 2 fishing lakes, a wild river with a waterfall, a sauna, hotel, soccer field and 2 volleyball courts. It was beautiful under the moonlight and covered a large part of this hidden valley.
Back to the realities (??) of our unfolding dilemma…….
This morning we awoke to a sense of dread but were greeted at the restaurant with a birthday song (today is my 55th) and a lot of love from our friends at the restaurant. Not long after returning to the room to begin the packing, Gaudencio arrived with more news.
He began by saying that 2 of the 3 elders separately stopped him at the temple this morning to inquire about our whereabouts. On Sundays they have a service they call in Portuguese “Messes” He interprets it as Mass, but insists it’s not Catholic or Christian but integrates many religious traditions. We can’t tell because of course we can’t understand what they say, but it feels very Christian to us and it’s not really our cup of tea as we follow a more Eastern philosophical form of spirituality and are typically not church goers. We did not go today. Forgetting that Gaudencio’s best friend would be leading his first mass today which was a very special deal as he is the first Argentian to become a priest and lead a service here, we opted not to go as we are often and generally prone to do. Apparently we had been expected and I’m afraid once again we have erred and have let someone down.
After acknowledging our faux pas Gaudencio went on to say that they (the three elders) and possibly the top spiritual leader who replaced Yokaanam want to meet with us. They waited until Friday for Arsenio to bring them a written account of the previous meeting before figuring out what they would present to us as an offer to accommodate us in staying here to join the community. They asked if we had left for Pirenopolis or had waited as they had asked before making our decision to leave. Now it seems they will likely want to meet with us tomorrow or by Tuesday at the latest. Again he mentioned them saying they need us, but he isn’t saying why they need us in particular just that they need everyone who comes here for different roles. However Gaudencio did say that they said we need them to further our spiritual development.
We attended yet another Umbanda class in which we understood next to nothing, although I did get a lot more today than last week. We are simply over going to these classes in which we sit listening but comprehending nothing. It doesn’t make sense to us. I know they said originally not to worry that our entities would understand, but it’s just not working for us without Paul and Mindy getting it. Afterwards we went in to the Temple for passes which continues to be for me (all but one time) an extraordinary experience, not easily described. No miracles but something is certainly happening.
Yesterday on our drive back to town through Aguas Lindes we passed a yard with a bonfire which was burning plastic. The smoke from the fire was so toxic that simply driving past, Paul began to sneeze and have a runny nose and I got an immediate sore throat and have been hoarse ever since. I was kind of hoping for an instant cure but no such luck!
Returning to our room, we were flagged down walking past the restaurant to come inside for a birthday celebration. Today I am sharing my birthday with Vany who works in the restaurant, and with Gaudencio whose birthday is tomorrow. I am not supposed to know that there is a surprise celebration tonight, but Paul couldn’t resist telling me though this was not really a surprise because it was mentioned three weeks ago. So, one piece of cake down, one more to go later. I don’t mean to sound flippant, because I am delighted and honored to already have friends here to acknowledge my birthday. I think because I feel really shitty, I don’t have such a positive attitude though. I’ll work on improving it before we are summoned to the next celebration.
Today I began to repack the suitcases. Paul is concerned we might need to make a quick getaway after the meeting. I don’t anticipate any hard feelings. It’s even possible I will write tomorrow and say we’ve decided to stay. That they’ve made us an offer we can’t refuse. But it is highly unlikely as Paul is determined not to stay and his happiness is my foremost desire. It’s unfortunate that this meeting coming up is a source of stress and discomfort for him as like me, he hates to disappoint anyone and it is apparent once again that they wish for us to stay.
I am open to hearing what they have to say and actually looking forward to a face to face meeting with the Elders. I have for weeks wanted to talk directly to them. I have so many questions. Apparently though, the way does not intend for me to speak, as I barely have a voice, so I will practically be forced to sit quietly by and let Paul do most of the talking. It is just as well. It takes strong interventions to shut me up! Sometimes a subtle hint just doesn’t work with me. Ah well, at least I have good strong protective forces on my side. I was born with Uranus conjunct Jupiter on my midheaven. Sudden unexpected changes coupled with bountiful luck right where all the world can see. Not only that but Neptune on my ascendant, which gives me that spacey, dreamy, spiritual quality many of you may have noticed.
Monday October 5, 2009
Last night around 7:45 we heard Gaudencio’s horn honking from his van at the gate. We’d been waiting around for him to come by and give us the details of the dinner arrangements. Paul was given instructions to come to Elliana’s house. After arriving, I was surprised to hear Gaudencio say, “I told Paul to come here at 6 o’clock and when you didn’t show up I sent one of the girls over to get you.” Well, perhaps I wasn’t really surprised because it is not so unusual for him to overlook mentioning something, with so many demands made upon his time. On the other hand, Paul has been so preoccupied that he may have forgotten. In any case the party was well underway when we arrived with a large group of people on the porch drinking beer and cooking a barbecue.
It was not an easy party to attend because by this point in the day, my voice was so far gone, I could not speak without considerable effort and discomfort and I wanted so much to talk to everyone. I was incredibly honored to be included in this celebration, sharing my birthday with Gaudencio and the occasion of his best friend Longino’s first mass. In any event it was good that Paul who is generally very quiet was forced to make conversation and we both had a relatively good time. As a side note, I’d just like to add a comment Paul made to me earlier in the day about how much he hates parties. He went on to say that for an introvert, they are incredibly uncomfortable. Parties are the activities of extroverts. I absolutely relate to this as an introvert myself, although I love to be invited to parties and be part of the festivities but there has always been an element of discomfort for me too. Not to the same extreme as Paul who has taken introversion to the depths of the extreme so much so that he classifies himself antisocial.
Rocket was a bit of an embarrassment, as he insisted on licking, sniffing and humping the new lab puppy who couldn’t be more than a baby of 3 months old and to top it off snarled and nearly attacked the male Chihuahua who drove him beyond his level of tolerance. Paul said he was like bringing your crazy drunken uncle along who embarrasses you beyond belief; the Uncle who you can’t leave home alone because he can’t be trusted, but when you take him with you he inevitably does the most ridiculous and utterly embarrassing things. It was hilariously reminiscent of the time when we were camping with him in West Virginia and in Peppy la Pew fashion, he attached himself to the butt of a beautiful golden retriever three times his size. Only this time he was 3 times the size of the object of his infatuation.
The evening ended with a beautiful birthday cake, happy birthday sung in both English and Portuguese and more gifts. Aspacia crocheted me a beautiful purple scarf, complete with an artistically handmade wrapping and Elliana and Arnaldo’s 2 year old son Luis picked out a framed print of a moonlit landscape for me. I was so moved. I was the only one of us to be given gifts! It was actually a little embarrassing.
Speaking of gifts, I was very surprised to receive a lovely arrangement of silk flowers from Vany. It was totally unexpected and surprising, though I had given her a gift this morning too at breakfast. This is so strange, here we are preparing to leave; I all but finished packing the suitcases today, and because it so happens to be my birthday, I am being showered with gifts. It does make it harder to leave this place because I love these people so much.
Last night I was surprised to hear Paul enter into a conversation with 4 of the men who are quite influential in the community regarding his thoughts on the organizational structure of Ecletica. It was the first time he was outspoken to anyone other than me on the problems he is observing and suggesting interventions. I know he has been preparing for this meeting with the spiritual directors which will happen anytime now, today or tomorrow, and so these thoughts have been consuming him for days. I am pleased at what he tells me he is planning to discuss with them. This is a bit of a sticky situation and the elements involved are more complex that many situations.
Once again we find ourselves in a place (believe me this is no accident) where Paul’s very diverse and unusual background fits the situation perfectly. He has worked for many years as a psychologist in organizations – going into dysfunctional organizations and helping them to function and prosper. His Ph.D. centers around an expertise in the developing of expanding consciousness beyond conventional levels of awareness and the book which is scheduled to be published any day which he co-edited with colleagues is a textbook of the latest research regarding higher perspectives of personality development. We find ourselves now in the center of a community whose organization is completely dysfunctional and whose purpose is somehow related to the coming end time scenario. Just what exactly Yokaanam had in mind is our question. Was it to develop and expand consciousness? It wouldn’t seem so in this power driven hierarchy of subservient followers. But the followers are working with white magic, incorporating spirits to heal humanity….. It’s still a mystery and one we want to unravel, but without a fully functional comprehension of Portuguese we are “dead in the water.”
Later the same day….
Through our window comes the loudest most mysterious symphony of wildlife. It is likely locusts as just the other day Sevenah brought one to the table to show us. These locusts are probably 2 ½ times the size of any we’ve seen and the sound they make is like a thousand people whistling right outside your window, coupled with other unidentifiable jungle like sounds.
Speaking of jungles, the other afternoon we were driving down our favorite dirt road which bypasses Santo Antonio on the way to Taguatinga and Brasilia, when we spotted a silvery snake about nine feet long crossing the road. We were assured it wasn’t poisonous, but according to Paul, if it’s not poisonous, it’s a constrictor. He said, “If it doesn’t bite you, it strangles you!” Had I mentioned before the story we were told about Yokaanam and snakes? Apparently the story goes, he would not allow anyone to ever kill or harm a snake. Instead you could only move them to another location with a long stick. He’d been seen sitting in the center of a circle of snakes, unharmed.
Well we’ve loaded most of our things into the car in anticipation of leaving tomorrow and wouldn’t you know that as soon as I had the 1st suitcase packed with all the things Paul said he’d not need and wanted me to give away or store long term, he asked for a shirt from that suitcase. Meanwhile in anticipation of the ever postponed meeting, he is reconsidering his stance on staying on or more likely returning should the terms of the meeting be favorable. It keeps me on my toes! Always ready to shift gears and change direction. What the heck, I can always use a little more practice at packing too much stuff into too small a space. Meanwhile the hotel room is quite nice without all our stuff- it’s very roomy!
I leave you now as we await the next turn of events that will shape our experience of the future….
We send our love and dreams for a bright future in the unfolding.