Sunday December 6, 2009
Very rainy day. Although we’d had plans to visit Vistara’s valley between nine and ten, we thought it little likely we’d go much before noon as it didn’t seem the rain would let up anytime soon. So we downloaded the next in the series of David Icke’s Melbourne lecture to continue watching in between our other activities while we waited for the rain to stop and Vistara to come by.
No idea what time it was, probably around noon, I left the office where the laptop sat on my makeshift desk in front of an open window, to make a cup of tea while the next part loaded in. Paul had left the table where he’d been drawing building designs, to check on the video and shouted to me in the kitchen, “Min, where’s the computer?”
“What do you mean?” I said and joined him in the office to see an empty space where the laptop had just been sitting, the modem and cord, detached and resting on the desktop. Not one bark from any of the 3 dogs who provide our security. No sound of a car driving off. Just an emptiness. My heart started racing as I ran out of the house looking to see if I could spot the thief, making off with my laptop. There was no one in sight as I ran in all the directions a thief could retreat in, but all that was there was an eerie silence among the raindrops and no one about. We jumped in the car and drove off to see if anyone looked to be retreating with my computer-but nada. So we came home and saw Vistara just on her way out the gate and told her what had happened. The three of us then drove to the civil police to file a report, actually the intent being to get help in finding the computer. Then headed off to the military police with a stop 1st at the radio station, but found no one there this rainy Sunday afternoon.
Tuesday December 8, 2009
So I suppose there can’t be all good news without an equal amount of bad news, just because we traveled to the other side of the equator. Though calm and accepting of my loss on Sunday, Monday brought the full emotional impact of Sundays’ event into focus. The realization that all my photos from the last 6 months were gone with no back-up as well as all my writing, just added a bitter twist to the feeling of violation that someone would enter my home (even though it was just reaching in through the window)
where previously I had felt very secure and steal my stuff. Of course I realize it was like leaving a hot delicious fragrant pie on the window sill, just begging to be stolen, and I appropriately scolded myself for my stupidity, naivety and innocence, but it is contrary to my nature to be wary and distrustful. Now, I have had a hard lesson in the reality of life where some have while others have not, and even if I treat all people with love and respect, there are some who do not. I’m fairly certain my thief was a kid from the poorer side of town who wanted my computer to play games. But he didn’t take the power cord or the modem, so the computer will soon do him no good, once the battery runs out and he realizes the difficulty in obtaining a new power cord that will power it up. I suppose the passport protection could be overridden by someone with computer experience….
So this is where my thoughts have been dwelling since Sunday. Here and re-evaluating our future needs for security. I have been so opposed to the setup most other foreigners have employed, that of a securely fenced and gated encampment with a full time security person living on the property. Surely the benefits are great as this person can also be employed to help with gardening and construction projects, and perhaps domestic work. But this scenario is so unappealing to me in so many ways – it separates and puts value judgments on people based on who has more and who has less. There’s always big dogs…. But the last thing we want is to be prisoners of our home and our stuff, afraid to leave because someone might come and take it.
It’s hard to come back from an event like this and try to return to where you were before it happened – it seems to color everything…. Sunday morning I had written several pages for the blog – all lost now – but I seem to recall I was writing about how much I loved Saturdays here with the local market called the ferrias; I wrote about the really cool artisans we met there that day, shopping for a few holiday gifts and visiting the local herboligist…. It was quite good, what I wrote, full of insights and cool stories to share with you, but I can’t go back and retrieve it now and the mindset that wrote it has left the building, replace by a disappointed and somewhat sad one who can’t quite muster the enthusiasm for regaling you with fun tales of life here in Brazil.
Wednesday December 9, 2009
Ah my friends and loved ones, it’s been hard to return to the keyboard and write anything since Sunday. I’ve been fighting with the demons who control my emotions and feeling a mixture of sadness, loss, disappointment, loss of trust, confusion…. Not to mention I am sharing Paul’s laptop now, so when I use it, he can not. It’s been raining and gloomy for days as well which doesn’t help elevate one’s mood when it’s already fighting for lightness.
So Paul thinks this was a good lesson for me. He’s pleased that I will now face the reality that issues of security need to be considered and that I might stop accusing him of being fearful when in his mind he is being realistic and sensible and I have been naively in denial, trusting everyone to do the right thing and be as full of love for one another as I am. Okay. The Way always brings lessons, sometimes they are costly.
Meanwhile we come to a cross roads of sorts where we need to make change and decisions about change again. This has been preoccupying my thoughts even before the loss of the computer on Sunday. We knew when we rented the house we are in now that it would be only for 2 months because it was promised to another after that. As time gets closer to that date we are trying to locate another house to rent. It has been a little more difficult this time without our English speaking friend to assist us. He is undertaking the 21 day process to go without food in search of enlightenment or at the very least an end to his suffering over the breakup of his marriage. Our landlady, who is the one and only real estate agent in town and knows about everything, has been trying to assist us, but we are operating with a slight handicap because of our difficulties with language. And today another complicating factor has entered the conversation.
We have been given an extension on our tourist visas to stay until February 8th. It has been hoped by all that we would hear something before then about the status of our permanent visas. As yet we have not. It is possible that we will need to leave Brazil at that time for up to 6 months before we can return on our tourist visas. So with this in mind, it affects our ability to commit to a 3 or 6 month rental – it may be only 8 weeks before we need to leave. With the holiday season lurking, there is a demand for rental houses here and the availability is diminishing quickly. I can not help feeling a little pressured and nervous about this scenario, though I know something wonderful will turn up and it would be better to stay calm and at peace – keep worry from disrupting my sense of well being. This is a dilemma I know we all face. Different circumstances but similar patterns of reaction and behavior. Today the sun is shining. I could be enjoying this moment, now is all that exists. If I fill this moment with concern, my experience of life is that, one of concern. I suppose I could wait, do nothing and let the universe bring me what it will and trust that it will be perfect, but I am too conditioned to believe that I must be proactive. If I do not take actions to insure that we find another house, what will become of us on the day we need to leave this one?
Likewise Paul’s thoughts have gone slightly further into the future to coming up with a plan for leaving Brazil in February should the need arise, where we will go and what will become of Rocket. There is the possibility of some work for him in the States and he is considering returning for a short time to do the work. Travel with Rocket does complicate matters. There are many different rules concerning travel with pets and depending on where we go and for how long we stay, many options need to be considered and much information needs to be gathered.
From our studies in ego development, we know that living in the mystery and uncertainty is not only tolerated but preferred by those who have obtained a higher perspective, and though there are certainly times when this is true for us, there are also times when our sense of security cries out for certainty. Where will I sleep in two weeks time? I’d like to know, I can’t help it. Wish I could just let it live in the uncertainty and not feel a need to know…..
Later in the day…..
Home again, computer is once again free…where was I???? Contemplating change…. I do love change, so does Paul. In fact we both thrive on change. Some years ago I believe it was 1999 when I left Boulder, I decided I would set for myself a 5 year plan to see and experience as much of the world as I could. I thought then that if I liked a place I would stay up to 5 years before moving on to another. It’s been like that more or less since then, 5 years in Florida, 5 in New England – with 2 on Cape Cod and 3 in Vermont. Paul, on the other hand has a 3 year plan. After 3 years in one place he feels ready to move on. We’ve been discussing this as we imagine ourselves buying land and building a little house. There are two factors at play, well more than that actually, but I’ll start there. Traveling is great and we love it, but it’s also so important to have a home base. If for nothing more than a place to leave some of your stuff, though that’s not the whole of it. A kitchen is critical after a while. So while there are still many places we want to explore and experience we both agree we need somewhere to call home and this place right now appeals to us in our most positive of mindsets. In our perfect scenario, we can envision a beautiful valley, plenty of water, fertile land to grow our food, friends or family there to share our life, a well designed house that meets our needs, dogs to love and to scare away intruders, chickens for eggs and to keep the snakes away… An idyllic life, safely away from the fray of too many people and too much noise. In this perfect life, we can leave whenever we like and go for as long as we like, knowing that our friends and family are there taking care of things, loving the animals, enjoying the life that we will eagerly return to when the call to travel has been satisfied… I have no question that this is possible. But there are a few obstacles to overcome to help it manifest. For starters we need family and friends to be with us, living this dream. And of course the visas would go a long way towards making it happen.
We had a similar dream in Vermont. But it’s different there. Everyone we knew was enrolled in their own dream, there wasn’t much byway of shared dreams. I think cooperative living is so necessary for many of us to realize our dreams. Shared resources are vital. So we couldn’t produce the kind of enormous quantities of money to make that kind of thing happen there but here we can.
I have to be honest with all of you. I fear for what could happen there and happen soon. We have time and the intense interest to seek out information about things and you all know, that is what we do. I try to keep you informed to a small extent about things I think you really need to know, but I know that most of you have little time for researching information, even the time to watch a few videos and read an occasional article. You each have a wonderful and very full life, friends and family, jobs, houses and lives to run. It’s more complicated there and it takes so much more to keep up, I know, I too have lived this life. I’ve chosen something a little different and it is quite a bit simpler. It’s not for everyone, though I like to share a little about what it’s like so you can consider if it’s a viable option. You see, you don’t have to be trapped in a life you wish to be other than it is. I was for many years before realizing I didn’t have to be. But my real point is, as I started off to say, things will likely be changing there. It may not be life as you have always known it. At first the change may seem subtle as little things may seem unconnected before they form a big picture. I like the way David Icke explains it as connecting the dots. These isolated events don’t seem that big of a deal but connected into a whole picture, it’s monumental. Somehow, Paul and I were lucky(?) enough to be able to step back enough to find a better observation point and see how it all fit together. You may likely see a total collapse of the economy. Getting good food and good water may become a problem. There is a good chance that some major event will be staged that enables martial law to be instated. More and more losses of personal freedoms will become apparent and visible in a way that is now still less apparent. Travel in and out of the country could become restricted. Our psyches will have become so tampered with through the use of genetically modified foods, prescriptive medications, (god forbid) implanted microchips, fluoridated drinking water and more that we will no longer be in control of our own emotions or thoughts. It sounds scary and I don’t want to frighten anyone, only to awaken you to the possibility that this could happen and in fact may already (is already) happening. It’s not too late to stop it if enough people stop going along with it, in a state of denial that anything that bad could really happen. It can and it is. I remember way back in the 80’s hearing that this product or that product caused cancer. Remember that Joe Jackson song with the line “Everything gives you cancer?” Paul (my original Paul) used to say, screw it, if I stopped eating everything that gives you cancer I’ve have nothing to eat. We heard then, but we ignored the real truth of it because everything is and was inundated with harmful effects. Only those of us who could afford to take the warnings seriously and buy only organically grown foods or grow our own, could have hoped for better health than most, but even that couldn’t protect us from disease because it is programmed into everything. Over population has been a problem for a long time according to the few ruling families who control everything and Planned Parenthood wasn’t their only solution. Wars, genocide, aids, cancer, childhood immunizations are only a few measures created to depopulate the planet.
“Don’t tell me this,” my children all want to say to me. “I want to have a life with some promise of a happy future. I don’t believe you. You’re crazy.” I want that for us too. I just don’t want us to sleep through our only chance of having it. There’s still time to prevent Big Brother watching us from our big screen TV’s in every room of our houses, lulling us into being consumer slaves with no ability to think for ourselves outside of the program. Did you ever see Woody Allen’s movie “Sleeper?” Great movie. Watch it sometime soon.
Well my dears, now that I have sufficiently frightened you or brought your attention to these harsh realities, but of course you must already have known if you’ve read this far into my newsletters, I should like to tell you something good. Well. There is a great outcome at the end of all this suffering. Consciousness will shift on the planet. People will no longer live divided and at war with one another fighting for survival. Peace will reign again. Fear will be gone and love will rule the day. We’ll get through this and show these creeps that we’re not going along with their plan to be dominated into submission, eliminated and reduced to total mindless subservience. Our beautiful children will grow up to be pioneers of the new ways. It’ll happen.
I suppose this is as good a place as any to end this letter. I hope to report good news in the next one. For now our wishes go out to all of you for warm homes (we hear there are big storms about) and happy times with loved ones during the holidays and the close of 2009.
Big hugs – Mindy and Paul
Oh yeah, one last thing… If you have time, try to watch Jill Bolte Taylors video about her experience, suffering a stroke. As a neuro scientist, she witnessed herself having this phenomenal experience and was able to report back on some amazing findings. It’s been on the web for a few years; in fact Edy found it and sent it to me back then. If you haven’t seen it yet, I recommend it.