June 10, 2010

June 10 2010

Guilford, Vermont

It’s a foggy day here on top of the hill at Sunrise Farm. A perfect day for gathering thoughts and putting words on the screen, perhaps even feting out something useful in the process... It’s been a month now since moving to the farm and the transitional stage of moving in has morphed into living here now. The garden is growing well and promises a bountiful harvest of summer and fall long eating. I’ve planted four long rows, perhaps each more than a hundred feet in length, 140 feet long I’ve been told. I’m astounded at how this can give me so much pleasure from conception to completion while Paul finds the whole subject profoundly boring, so much so that even a stroll along the outside edge presents an unwelcome chore. It just looks like a bunch of dirt and some green stuff to him, “…ho hum, must I be bothered….” Reading about gardens and gardening, I imagine might present the same kind of boredom for you my readers, if you yourself are not into gardening, so perhaps the topic might be left for another.

Our primary focus and goal since returning has been in locating a parcel of land where we can construct our new home. As many of you have come to understand if you’ve been reading the posts, our intention is to create a sustainable homestead that we will mostly build ourselves with as little hired help as possible at a minimal cost, eliminating the need for borrowed funds. The end goal is to have a home which provides its own energy off the grid, thus no bills due to power companies, and provide our own food and fuel. In Vermont we are blessed with an abundance of wood, not only for fuel for warmth and cooking, but also for building material. Likewise we have an abundance of rocks and stone. This part of the country was once covered with sheep farms and it is common to find old stone walls surrounding large fields where once sheep grazed. The evergreen pines drop a carpet of pine needles which soften in their return to the earth, while the deciduous trees leave another covering of composting material returning to its source to rebuild the soil. And most important of all, this is a place with abundant water. Now this is not the best place for lounging in the water to cool off on a hot day; no the water is icy cold and it takes a long hot spell to entice me to make my way through brush and down sometimes steep hills, shed my clothing and submerge this body into a swimming hole, but I will not go thirsty and neither will my garden go dry.

So beginning on the day we arrived, hours after stepping off the plane in fact, we have visited “properties” (don’t get me started…) land for sale all over the state, well halfway throughout is more accurate. We have tried to narrow our search to listings under $50,000 using the Brazilian philosophy that people ask twice what they expect to get. That may be true in Brazil where we were, but here we have not yet had the opportunity to test our supposition. We did however veer from our initial guidelines and check out some higher priced things which included small houses, camps or trailers, thinking we could extend ourselves if for example a $10,000 well already existed or a septic system was in place or a temporary shelter could house us saving months of rent and we looked upwards of a $100,000 asking price. But we quickly came back to our senses when we remembered we don’t have that much money and that would require borrowing which we are determined to avoid.

We began the search by internet while still in Brazil and had several places lined up to visit, mostly pieces with 10 acres listed in the $40,000 price range. As all projects go, one learns as one goes refining criteria for searching. We quickly came to realize that our search was costing us a lot of money in gas, not to mention the time spent driving around, not doing other things. When searching for land, one does not always have the assurance that they will indeed find the land in question. Many times there are no signs and nothing marking the boundaries, leaving you in a vague state of wondering if you are indeed in the right place. In fact, just this week we found ourselves in a position of extreme excitement, ready to reach into our pocket and hand over $20,000 for what we thought was absolutely perfect and just what we were looking for. There was no sign, but the arrow on the Google map assured me we were in the exact spot, given all the information we had about this almost 10 acre piece with southern exposure listed not much more than $20,000. We found a place to pull off the road and a roughed in driveway which wound through the woods up a gently sloping incline to a sunny clearing surrounded by state forest land. Perfectly private, perfectly secluded, yet sunny and ready to build and plant! I was already designing in my head where everything would go, albeit with a modicum of restraint because a) we both felt that it was too good to be true, how could it be listed so low in price and be that perfect, and b) we didn’t have any reassurance we were in the right place. Turns out we weren’t. Yesterday we met our realtor there with a plan to meet the listing agent to confirm it was the parcel in question. When the lister never showed up we could only assume we were not in the right place. This was confirmed by phone and email last night. Good lesson in not having desires or getting your hopes up! This always sets the stage for disappointment and indeed I was in a bit of a meltdown last night not directly caused by the disappointment but certainly aided by it.

Emotional states come and go like waves cresting and falling. If you’re attuned to this fluid process of movement you can ride out the wave until it passes, but if you have no facility with this exercise and you are inclined to label the emotional state or find a cause for the now labeled problem, it can drag you along the ocean floor through the tumultuous current of destruction. I had a meltdown last night. Back to the trailer after this rather cold and damp futile exercise of determining if we had found our dream site, I prepared what is usually a fun dish for me to make, paprika noodles. Cooking in a trailer is challenging at best, with little counter space and inadequate pots. At the point in the recipe where I stir 2 tablespoons of paprika into sautéed onions, carrots and celery, I inadvertently stirred in 2 tablespoons of cayenne pepper. Easy mistake, identical color! But it wasn’t until the paprika fell out of the cupboard later that I realized what I’d done. With little hope that it could be salvaged, I tasted a tiny speck of the dish, only to have my mouth on fire like someone had torched me with a welding torch! I’ll spare you the rest of the details but meltdown pursued. It was a good lesson though; a nice reminder to stay unattached to outcomes.

We’ve seen quite a number of pieces of land for sale now over the course of the month since we began our search. Often we’ll head off to an area that will have 3 or 4 different places within a short distance of one another and try to plan to see all of them. It’s really necessary because of the distance and travel time to each place. They haven’t been far as the crow flies but here in the mountains, the crow might fly, but you do not. Although we have an incredible interstate highway which is not only fun and easy to drive (no Brazilian potholes or crazy drivers) they only get you part of the way there and then the small roads which either traverse the valleys or curve through and up and over the mountains can wind along forever. So many times we’ve set out for a half a day, only to return more than 3 or 4 hours past when we expected turning each excursion into an all day affair. The day is pretty well shot afterwards, because we are both exhausted from the driving and navigating. I am the navigator. This has become my role in life for many years now. Paul often gets the idea. I take the idea and run with it and then figure out how to get us there. It fits with our human designs. He is a manifesting generator and I am a projector, but that topic I will save for another time of perusal.

Searching for land is equally if not more of an intuitive process than a logical one, right brained versus left. Certainly one sets out a list of guidelines and then attempts to meet all the criteria. In our case we require enough land that can be made fertile enough to grow sufficient food for the two of us and whatever animals we decide to add to our homestead. As extreme introverts we desire perhaps more than most a setting that is private and secluded and as very sensitive people quiet is very important to us, so being in a village or near a highway isn’t right. Some of these things offer us a small advantage as what is desirable to us is often the opposite of many other buyers who’d prefer a parcel with good road frontage where the cost to bring the electric to the house is reduced and the snow plowing is shortened by being as close to serviced roads as possible. In our case a minimal road frontage with a long access in is more to our liking. We always look for something with southern exposure and most Vermonters will tell you that’s number one on their list. If you are on the north slope of a mountain you can lose weeks of sunshine and warm temperatures at both ends of the growing season. But all these factors in mind, there’s still a “feel” you get in a place that’s either right or it’s not. It’s not always discernable or explainable, but you know if a place feels like it could be home or not. Sometimes not right away, but it creeps in sometimes days later.

Our number one factor is of course cost because we are working with a set amount of money which most people will tell you is a ridiculous amount to even consider being enough. We refuse to be stopped by what most people believe is possible. But that narrows our choices down quite a bit and we need to have greater imaginations about what is possible because of this factor. The perfect place may not exist in our budget, so we have to imagine ways to find perfection where it may not seem possible at first glance. It can’t always be achieved but every now and then it can. Last week, for example we found a very small piece in a state forest. We had just determined that the smallest piece we’d require would be 3 acres if the setting was right and surrounded by state forest does make a small piece fine when nothing but forest surrounds you. No pesky neighbors! This one had only 2.8 acres, but we considered that it might be enough. The clearing was just a bit too small and facing the wrong direction so we had to determine if enough trees could be cleared to allow sun to hit the garden for at least 8 hours a day from mid May through mid September. This one had an old trailer on it which had seen much better days and would have been more of a liability than an asset. Having lived in third world conditions, we are now in a position of reevaluating what’s acceptable and what isn’t. Our standards for drawing that line have changed since our year in Brazil.

This is a cool practice and one that I suggest is a good growth opportunity for those wishing to expand their horizons. We did this before when several years ago we moved north from the southern climate of the gulf coast of Florida to the northern climate of the east coast of Massachusetts. We spent a summer camping and living in a conversion van in Canada, driving all the way north through Nova Scotia and up to the northern tip of Newfoundland. 54 days and nights we lived in that camper so that by the time we arrived at our house on the Cape, it felt so much further south than it did from our Florida perspective. What had once seemed so cold on our visits north now seemed relatively mild compared with the northern reaches of Canada. Likewise our experience of trailer living which for me personally would have not been something I ever yearned for as a desirable opportunity but more of something to be avoided, after our exploration through Brazil actually felt like upscale digs. I jest a little because we lived in some really cool places in Brazil but we had opportunities to live in some very primitive and austere conditions. Perspective is everything and this is my only point. Trailer living is quite cozy and has many advantages over living in a big house. Yet anyone who enjoys inside things like cooking would probably tell you living in a trailer wouldn’t be their first choice- there’s simply not enough room. But I digress (again) I was simply trying to point out that we initially considered that if a property had a trailer on it, it could be an advantage as a place to live during the building process, saving rent. Of course a tent is an option and many people if the climate is good enough will set up camp during building. We have since revised our thoughts on this a bit. For a few thousand dollars there are used trailers to be had. Even a new one can be financed for about $150 a month saving hundreds a month on rent during the building process. We considered this as a way to be on the land while building. However we have recently discovered yurts. At the public library while searching for books on building with straw bale, I found a step by step book on building a yurt. Granted it was written in 1998, but the techniques still hold and while the costs are certainly a bit higher now, then the author and builder spent around $300 in materials to construct his home. Even if the costs have risen ten times, that will still provide us shelter for $3000. This now is our latest plan. We intend to construct a yurt to live in during our first building season. Later it can become an art studio, a guest house, yoga or meditation studio or whatever…. If we find the right piece of land soon, we figure we can have the yurt constructed by fall. We won’t spend the winter in it except for an occasional few days in good weather as our friends here on the farm have offered to rent us their still under construction apartment over their new garage at a wonderful ly reduced price until spring when it will be ready for seasonal guests or full time renters at the real value of its rental potential. This gift is a blessing to us enabling us to move slowly into the decision making process.

I’d like to take a few minutes here to talk about perspectives and expectations. Since this blog is morphing into a kind of personal finance blog, how to live without a mortgage and things of that nature rather than the older version which was more of a travel blog, esoteric exploration kind of thing, there are a few points I’d like to touch on now and then. Most of my readers to date have been following along with these writings because you know us and were interested in our adventures and I know that some of what I muse about are of no interest whatsoever to you. You have a different lifestyle and economically, no worries, everything is running smoothly. Cool. That’s great and I am happy for you. There are some of you maybe and maybe some people reading this who I don’t even know who have concerns about reductions in reliable income and how to adjust your lifestyle to give you the freedom you desire. I love the line from the song that Janis Joplin made popular, “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose….” It is. Stuff ties you down. It enslaves you. Having less is a source of freedom. Without stuff you are free to go where you wish. You are free to do what moves you. I learned invaluable lessons in Brazil, things that never would have made it across my view screen. When I try to point out the occasional example I get looks of wonder and see silent thought bubbles of pity. But allow me to use the following as an example. Before we moved to Brazil we had a beautiful home on a hill full of many really cool things. Life was more convenient. All seemed well except for the underlying worry of whether the next years consulting contracts would come through or if it might be necessary to find more work. There was a mortgage to be paid every month, health insurance, car insurance, power bill, telephone bill, internet bill, blah blah blah and lots more. An ordinary American life, nothing that extravagant but certainly more than many people have. But if someone had said to me you can trade this in…. all these money concerns, for a life with very little expense…live in this trailer…. You’ll be happy…. I’m not sure I would have believed them. It’s a little like going to Newfoundland to get to Cape Cod. I needed to go live in a third world country and see how little I really needed to embrace a different kind of lifestyle, no job, no mortgage, no bills, yet the potential for unlimited happiness and freedom from other’s expectations.

One of the things I did over the course of the last several years was cut back from the expectations of having a job and earning a living. I was able to do that because my partner was earning good money when he worked and he set the example of not having to work every day or even every week but only occasionally when he’d be hired for a “gig.” I assuaged my guilt by taking on projects of cutting back our expenses. Often I could find ways to save us as much money as if I was out working. I got quite good at finding ways to save us from spending. I also took on the project of becoming self reliant. That meant growing our food, building furniture; if there seemed to be a need, I tried to figure out how to fill it without spending money or hiring someone to do it. I learned a lot. I learned that I could provide for myself in a way that allowed me not to have to work for someone else or even for myself. That was freedom. I grew to love this kind of freedom so much that I will do almost anything to keep it. For a while I tried my hand at being an artist and selling my art. That gives you at least something to say when people ask you what you do. It lets you off the hook from being a bum who doesn’t work. Or a homemaker; god I hate that label. It sounds so demeaning and worthless. Days when I did have the chance to stay home with little kids, I liked to call myself a “domestic engineer.” It had a more worthwhile connotation and believe me I was a skilled engineer of domesticity- no joke. I do like being an artist but there’s so much pressure to produce art that meets your own standards for what is art, not to mention the pressure to sell it. Consignment’s easy; lots of places will show your work if they don’t have to make a financial commitment. But not all of us can be artists, or not be artists all the time…..But this conversation isn’t about art, it’s about lifestyle and what one needs to be happy. Problem is that we all already have too much. So the starting place is more difficult. If you do what I’ve done and decide to sell it all or give it away and move somewhere else, it’s easier, especially if you have a destination that seems exciting and calls to you. But if you’re not starting over in a new and exciting place how do you free yourself from all your possessions and commitments and debts? Food for thought…….

June 11, 2010

Took another drive over to visit the area where the mysterious $23,000 land is hiding and believe we found it this time. The skies opened up just as we stepped out of the truck and so we did not yet walk in to explore its potential, though we are eager to do that because we love the location. The drive from where we stay now takes around forty minutes and through 3 or 4 villages which are charming and progressively more remote. I noticed yesterday that we drive alongside a river nearly every time we go out. I am so in touch with and aware of water these days. I am feeling reassured that I have returned to a good place because of the abundance of water here. It seems more important than ever.

June 16, 2010

Since last report, we have had the opportunity to revisit the land in Readsboro on a sunny day to walk the boundaries. The small hope we were holding out was dashed when we discovered that the narrow road frontage leading into the bulk of the parcel goes entirely through wetlands making the prospect of building a driveway through quite costly. Not simply this but the fact that the entire landscape was nothing but a fern forest floor, either in low wet land or on a slope. These factors had us eliminate this once potential parcel from consideration. From there we drove north on Route 8 to Searsburg where we visited a “camp” on 26 acres across from the Deerfield River. On paper this looked quite promising, as most will, but up close and personal, this was one more to check off the list of potential future home sites.

What we’ve begun to do is consider a broader range of possibilities. As we add up the costs involved in building from scratch we are finding some factors which are discouraging. I can’t say this is true of every area around the country or the world for that matter, but here in Vermont before a building permit is issued the land must pass a “perc” test. This is a process of digging a hole, filling it with water and timing how long it takes the water to drain. It’s likely a bit more complicated than that but put rather simply, this is necessary to determine if there will be adequate drainage to put in a septic system to dispose of waste water. It is also necessary here in Vermont to have a septic design. Whether or not one is planning to have a septic system with a leach field where the waste water (both grey – everything from sinks and tubs – not toilets- and black- the water from the toilet) is routed to seep under the ground, it is none the less required to have a professional design produced for your property. As far as septic is concerned we are exploring less costly options like a composting toilet or perhaps an outhouse close by attached by an enclosed walkway, as a septic field can cost as much as $10,000 after the perc and the design which will be up to $2,000 or $3,000. Grey water can be routed through a French drain (one option) to water the gardens. Septic aside, a well needs to be drilled assuming one does not yet exist which can run in the neighborhood of $6,000 to $10,000. If a driveway is not already in place this can easily cost $5,000 and upwards, depending on how much distance needs to be covered. Most usable parcels of land around here are being listed in the $40,000 price range and upwards. So we are estimating that before we buy our first building material we will spend a minimum of $40,000. It’s as I mentioned earlier, quite daunting when one wants to avoid dealing with banks and mortgages. I’m not sure a simple small and basic house could be had much under $80,000 to be honest, though I’m not yet giving up hope that the unlikely can be achieved. However…..

This being the case, it occurred to us that we might be better off looking at very inexpensive homes rather than simply land. We originally looked at what is called here in Vermont, “camps.” These are generally off the grid vacation cabins and cottages – very rough often. Sometimes they will already have a well. Often they are built on good land and are in remote places, which is just what we are looking for. But this past weekend we picked up the local real estate magazines outside the door of the Chelsea Royal Diner where we like to have Saturday morning breakfast, and discovered many new options to consider. One is a farmhouse with 3 barns listed for $75,000. This holds so much appeal for us because in addition to having some farm animals, we need lots of studio space for painting, building and quite possibly ceramics. This bargain is not only a fixer upper (how could it not be at that price) but it is in the northern most part of the state, probably within commuting distance of Canada and could be very cold. I’ll have an update later after we visit it along with several other new possibilities. Stay tuned as the adventure continues, stateside……

June 3, 2010

June 3, 2010

Guilford, Vermont

Dear friends and loved ones,

Transitions are tough. Wish I could say they weren’t and I just flowed through them with ease but sometimes that’s just not the case. There are days when everything just seems so grim while there are others when my disposition is sunny and bright and everything seems possible and it’s just fun to be alive. I spent some time this week watching an interview with Bill Ryan and David Icke and another which also included Jordan Maxwell and I have to tell you how inspiring it is for me to see the evolution of David Icke. I can’t think of another person who I agree with more in these changing times. While many of us may not even be aware that the times they are a changing (a great old Bob Dylan song) let me assure you, they are. Our children and grandchildren will not live in the same world we know. Throughout the course of history humanity has known times of great illumination, times such as the Golden Age, when peace and harmony ruled the day and other times of great suppression, for example in the Dark Ages; whole epochs with a different theme. This illusory nature of time is circular and while we spin through space on our planet, we move slowly through the changing epochs. This life we are currently living through is indeed a time of suppression and darkness with limited personal freedom and a sliver of awareness of what’s possible. Even our technology which seems so advanced is hundreds of years behind what’s known to be possible. I’m not really qualified to write about this stuff in an adequate way and I beseech you to find people to read and listen to who can do this justice, because we are living in the most amazing times! I suggest we have chosen to be here for this shift in consciousness to a new Golden Age. I loved the way Icke explained it being like a cusp between one epoch leaving and another coming. If any of you are familiar with astrology and know about cusps which are the few days between one sun sign leaving and another coming, you can begin to get a sense of how the cusp period has elements of both. For instance if your birthday happens to be on or around the 18^th of January you would be on the cusp between Capricorn and Aquarius which starts usually around the 21^st. Cusp people generally have many characteristics of the sign which follows or precedes theirs. Likewise we are now on the cusp of changing epochs and while the energy is beginning to change to the new ways of being, the old ways are fighting for dear life to hang onto what inevitably will be soon disappearing. It makes for a lot of confusion and uncertainty.

You know, I write a lot about the subject of consciousness and while it is only an interest of mine, as many of you know, Paul has a Ph.D. in the field of consciousness and spirituality. Even for him consciousness is a difficult subject to speak about with clarity, though he does a brilliant job of writing about it. By the way his book, The Postconventional Personality – Assessing, Researching and Theorizing Higher Development, edited by Angela H. Pfaffenberger, Paul W. Marko and Allan Combs, published by State University of New York Press is in the final stages and almost ready for print. But I digress…Some of our friends occasionally ask us what we mean when the topic of consciousness comes up and it is not always easy to engage in a comprehensive and easily understood conversation about it. I think that David Icke in his most recent interviews is doing a fantastic job of explaining the topic and I would encourage any of you who’d like a better understanding to listen to his interviews or read his most recent book. Here’s a link to the Project Avalon Interview with Bill Ryan: http://www.davidicke.com/articles/media-and-appearances/34367--david-icke-human-race-get-off-your-knees At the top of the page you will see the play button on top of David’s picture.

Speaking of confusion and uncertainty, I don’t know about any of you but lately I am sure having more than my fair share of it. Not sure what to attribute it, whether it’s my personal transition to Vermont from Brazil, the changing epochs, the chem-trails of which we are seeing a lot of these days. Oh that reminds me, here’s another link I want to pass along. Every now and then I refer to stuff like chem-trails and fluoride in the water. I got an email in my box the other day with a link to an updated but older segment of Max Igan’s The Calling part 5 of 8, focused on a description of the effects of fluoride in the drinking water, for those of you who like me have forgotten or maybe never knew….Here’s the link:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rERnACYtANk Some might attribute it to aging and memory loss, but how much of that was even a misnomer to describe away the effects of our genetically manipulated foods and toxic environments over time? Holding a train of thought long enough to complete the paragraph might prove useful to a person attaining to write….

I was on a roll this morning when Paul came down from his painting tent to grab his yoga mat and I dropped everything to go out front and do yoga with him, knowing that I’d not have the self discipline it would take to do it on my own later in the day. So all those things I had firmly in my mind I wanted to write about kind of drifted off into the ether.

When Charlie and I began this blog is was with the intention of regaling you with the adventures of our exploration through Brazil and many people expressed an interest in living vicariously through the tales of our journey. Now that we have returned to live again in Vermont, of course the focus is changing somewhat although the exploration continues. Since many of you reading this do not live in Vermont, perhaps this too might continue to be of interest if I describe life here in this part of the world. By the way, dear readers, your comments and feedback are always welcomed.

One of the things that distinguish this place from others I’ve lived in is the dramatic changes from moment to moment in the environment, particularly the weather. You do not get to plan your activities for the day as I grew up being accustomed to. Here, the weather dictates to you what activities can be done with any degree of pleasantry. I wrote last week in detail about a storm that shook the trailer, lit up the sky with lightening and took down the tent where Paul is making his painting studio. Could’ve sworn I posted it but now I can’t seem to even locate it. There’s that confusion creeping in again! I am working on two or three other projects now, writing a full length piece that I’d like to get published, creating a new blog about living without a mortgage and generally trying to get our new living arrangements sorted out, so maybe that might cut me some slack in the inability to keep my shit together? I used to pride myself on being able to multi-task, as if that were an admirable skill to have; I even used to look for it in a good employee. Paul always argued the merits of multi tasking with me and now I can see his point. Now I long for the ability to stay focused on one task. Or how about focused on being here in the moment, now! Every great spiritual master has tried to teach his disciples the art of being present. This is after all what it is to be enlightened.

Ahhhh, here it is, I’ve found it:

Thursday May 27, 2010

Guilford, Vermont

Storm

The day was heavenly, although temperatures were close to ninety, there was a crazy wind blowing that made it pleasant to be outside planting the final seeds in the garden. The corn I planted 6 days earlier had broken ground enough to see where to put the beans that will spiral their way up the stalks dangling on the climbing vines between the corn in a three sister’s guild. This is an old native American technique for growing three crops in the same space that complement and support each other, perhaps the origins of today’s permaculture? Later I’ll plant some squash or gourds between the rows which will sprawl on the ground between the plants, helping to keep the summer moisture in the soil nourishing the corn and beans instead of evaporating in the heat of the summer sun.

Gardening is such a source of pleasure for me. I thrill in the mystery of wonder whether the seeds that I place in the ground will germinate into a seedling and continue to grow into a living breathing plant that will eventually bud and produce some delicious food for me to eat. Each day after I plant the seeds, I water them watching for a sign of that first peak of green through the deep rich brown of newly watered soil. I almost catch my breath in delight to see the first ones and then each day watching for more, always with the feeling of magic. It puts me in mind of my teenage years when I got my first 35 mm camera and worked in the darkroom printing the pictures, rocking the tray of developer as an image magically appeared from a white piece of paper. Magic, I tell you, nothing less.

But I digress, back to the magic of this day…. When I was done planting and watering, satisfied at my latest purchase of sprinkler which solved my watering needs, I mowed a small yard around the trailer and continued delighting in the day, making a beautiful new space for our summer home. The days are long now and the evenings are the best part after the heat of the day when things begin to cool down and the sky takes on the softening hues of the sun set turning the clouds shades of pink and red. It’s the best part of the day for a campfire in the twilight hours before darkness. The winds which had kept up all day were less noticeably strong but still apparent in the movement of the branches. The campfire was just for a moment suspect of being in danger when the twigs resting to the side of the fire pit joined in with the rest, making one big bonfire that filled the four foot ring of stones and sparks flittered into the air but never high enough to be in danger of reaching the branches of the giant oak that stands above our bedroom and shades the corner of the yard. Any plans for the evenings these days get ousted by our preference for sitting by the fire, watching the sky change color and the birds catch flies from the air. When darkness fell we moved inside sitting for a few minutes by the window watching an occasional flash of lightening illuminate the sky. It was a pretty storm and I wanted to stay up for a while to watch it, though I was tired enough to climb in and drift off to sleep. Even when we knew that time had come and we made our way to the bed, I thought, I’ll just stay awake a while and watch it from the bed. We have such a cool bedroom. It’s only large enough to fit the queen size bed with a walking space around three sides that lets you shimmy sideways between the curving walls and the edges of the platform that holds the bed. You can’t be in too much of a hurry or you could get hurt on the corners. The windows on each of the three sides are those old fashioned three tiered roll out windows that get turned with a round crank (painfully, I might add.) I said to Paul, “this is just like sleeping in a tent” and he agreed it is while we listen to the mice dragging things across the roof. “It sounds like they’re inside,” we both say as we shine the flashlight to the screen tilt out vent that serves as a skylight. The flies and spiders are walking around upside down on the wire mesh screen both inside and out, amplifying the sound till you think there’s something way more substantial than that. “Well you’re the one who wants to live in nature,” Paul tells me again and again. “Mice are part of nature.”

I can hear that little sound he makes, like a puff of air that escapes closed lips just as he drifts off to sleep, but I’m too interested in watching the light show out the front and side window to join him in sleep. So I’m digging on the cool breeze coming through the windows that we’ve closed half way down since we know the rains are coming. I’m listening to the night time sounds of the wildlife. An owl was hooting, the cry of a coyote in the distance… I could feel myself slipping into sleep and welcomed it, content to stop watching the lightening, when suddenly the winds whipped into a frenzy. The oak tree which stands high above this end of the trailer became suddenly a huge threat in its violent movements. The lightening flashed brighter and closer and the thunder got louder. Paul awoke as I lay next to him saying, “Oh wow, oh my god!” He opened his eyes to see what I was seeing and hear the storm’s crashing thunder. The trailer started to rock and I thought my god, we’re not in Kansas anymore as we simultaneously got out of bed, going from window to window cranking them closed when we could see the storm swirling around us from every direction and there was no way to keep it from blowing in.

This part of Vermont isn’t prone to tornados or hurricanes; those are generally confined to flat places and coastlines. We just get those bad snow and ice storms when the power goes out for days on end. But this was a weather event as severe as a winter storm and completely out of character.

I didn’t think the trailer would survive the storm and I walked about in my pajamas gathering raincoats, shoes and umbrella. “Are you crazy?” Paul asked me, seeing the futility of going outside the door in the storm. I knew he was right but thought we might have to make a quick escape if the trailer blew onto its side and the computer and desk started crashing in on us or the window shattered. “Come here, sit down with me,” he said and I pulled my new favorite swivel rocking chair right up next to him at the couch, keeping my eyes on the window and the storm outside it. A loud bang and the power went out, but I had just that afternoon gone to the store to buy the flashlight we needed to fix a leak under a cabinet. In the light of our brand new 19 LED, 6 inch flashlight I found the 2 candles I’d purchased at the dollar store. And we sat by candlelight watching the sky light up, just a little on edge in the intensity, wondering as the calm eventually slid in if it was just the eye of the hurricane, or whatever the quiet space in the middle of a tornado is, before the other side of it comes crashing back through. But it didn’t and after a while it felt safe to climb back into bed, get some sleep before daybreak would reveal the damage done.

It was what we call a cloverfield moment and one that’s right up there with the other crazy climatic events happening around the world these days. Lots of people will say its global warming, but I know about HAARP and I’m always skeptical these days at unusual weather events.

The power’s out all over southern Vermont this morning. We chose the day to change plans from trailer maintenance (fixing a leak) and yoga class to driving around to look at more land for sale. We still had a couple in our price range we hadn’t yet gone to see and the other day came across a lead on another possibility. As fun at it always seems it’s going to be, it almost inevitably turns into an all day affair, exhausting us and rendering us useless for anything else after which we agree not to do it anymore and just sit back, let time pass and enjoy being here. Funny, but Paul vacillates as much if not more than I do on this point.

Back to June 3, 2010……

I am enjoying the day. It’s kind of murky in a hazy, cloudy, but not dark kind of way. The rain is just now starting to drizzle, tingling against the aluminum roof and sides of the trailer and leaving little dots of moisture on the windows. Rocket is napping on the sofa next to me and Paul’s gone off to town to have work done on the truck so it can pass inspection. I have a building project stacked on the table behind me waiting for my attention. Trailer living is full of building projects, especially old ones that haven’t been lived in for long periods of time. This one has a slider with a table and two benches, basically a dining nook, and since the day we moved in we noticed it felt like it was dangling a bit lower than the rest of the trailer. As days passed we were seeing a greater gap between the trim revealing daylight from the outside as it became more and more apparent that it was not our imagination that we were sloping. New to trailer living it took our friend Steve to explain the necessary measures involved in repairing this and one day some time later he brought me a jack and a 4 x 4 post, instructing me to jack the slider up until it was level again. With a sense of accomplishment at this small task, I patted myself on the back for having done this seemingly impossible and monumental project by myself. Goofy, I know, but I used to be a city girl! Now I have to replace the trim- that’s easy because I have experience at finish carpentry.

This isn’t a bad segway into what’s coming next. As I believe I’ve mentioned, we are embarking on a building project of much greater proportion. We’ve found a group of local people who call themselves “natural builders.” Now we are in the process of learning new skills and techniques from which to construct our own home. Absolutely committed to not borrowing and incurring un-repayable loans and all that entails (like needing steady employment or a larger source of income) we knew we needed a way to construct a home by alternative means. As artists, well let me speak only for myself, I am always drawn to creating beautiful things, it’s what I do. Life is an art project for me and though I cant say with any sense of credibility to someone that I am an artist, because then I can not produce what to them would be considered a work of art, everything I do all day long, everyday is make things beautiful around me. I do it with my environment, inside and out. Well I try.

Now the rain is getting harder, the sky is darkening and Rocket is looking up from his nap with a little concern, wondering what’s going on. The air temperature has dropped several degrees. Need to go check windows…..All’s well….., where was I?

Many people around here are building with straw bale. This was something new to us but sounded intriguing. I did some fascinating reading on building with cobb (basically mud, a clay, dirt and straw mixture made into an adobe like building material, not placed into bricks, but loaves, used for free form sculpting) We are also seeing the use of Mongolian style yurts (a round style house) These things are a great source of interest to us for many reasons, not just their inexpensive nature or insulating properties but the possibilities of designing a much more beautiful home with our own skills and the limitations of older bodies and weak backs. We can do this and if we can, than we say, anyone can learn to do this. So these are the things I’m concerning myself with, learning new skills, gathering information and resources and the ever present ongoing search for the right piece of land that also falls close to our price range.

The land search is tiring but fun. Vermont is a state almost completely full of mountains and valleys and rivers. It is stunningly beautiful. Even on the highways, one can enjoy spectacular vistas. But Vermont unlike many states I’ve visited has many unpaved roads, winding and dipping and climbing, straddling small creeks and streams and rivers, and sometimes cliffs with daunting views. Each time we set out with two or three properties in mind (I detest that term for parcels of land – as if one could really own something that will be here long after we discard these old tired bodies of ours- rather than just reside on them and pay taxes for that privilege!) to see, in a particular locale, we estimate we’ll spend three or four hours and find we’ve miscalculated by at least four hours. In our price range which I don’t mind telling you is around $25,000, they generally fall short of meeting our criteria. Our criteria in addition to cost, requires a minimum of one half acre of farmable land. That means that it must be able to have sun exposure from 8 to 10 hours per day from mid May through September. We’d prefer good soil but know that with enough left over money we can bring in soil amendments for the size garden we require to feed the two of us. In ideal conditions we prefer a full acre for this purpose. In the best of conditions, especially here in Vermont in a colder climate, a south facing slope is the most desirable and even if we can’t find one we will need at least to have some southern exposure as we will use solar energy to power our off the grid independent house.

As we get further along in this process, I will share with you our business model which will provide us with a way to live independent of the current system on a relatively small income and no debt. More and more of us will be finding this life style choice if not only desirable, perhaps imperative when our current economy collapses. But more on that at another time; enough for today. Until the next time, stay happy.

May 25, 2010

Tuesday May 25, 2010

Guilford Vermont

Dear friends and loved ones, It’s been a while since I’ve communicated much although I did recount some of the details of our travels back to Vermont from Brazil in case you missed them. It took so long to complete that letter and post it that I did not send the email notifying you of the post, but it’s there none-the-less.

This has been a more than difficult transition for me and because of that I haven’t felt much like writing. I preferred to wait until my perspective had a bit more of a positive slant. What I have noticed in this process and it becomes more and more apparent to me is how little our inner state is affected by any external factors. Body chemistry on the other hand seems to play a vital role in mental health and good attitudes!

We returned almost to the place we left, just three miles down the road from our old home, only this time we have no “home” nor all the things that once filled that home. So I’ve been contemplating just what makes a place a home? Does it require ownership? No, how could it, many people rent their houses and feel just as much at home as a person who owns one. Even if you think you own, do you really, or does the bank allow you to think you do while you pay them a hefty mortgage resulting in the overall cost of your home being three times the price you agreed to pay for it? Is home where you hang your hat? What if you are a guest in someone else’s place and your hat is hanging there? I’ve been asking myself these and other questions like these because I came here with an over-riding sense of urgency to find land, buy it and build a home, thinking that what I really want more than anything is just to have a home again; a place where I can grow a garden, providing my own food and a place where nothing is expected of me other than what I myself deem is expected. Freedom.…Especially if I can pay for it without any loans from a bank.

But with all this said, I’ve been busy making ourselves a home here on our friend’s farm. Paul is incredibly happy! This is why we’re here. He knew what he needed to be happy and he found a way to have it. He tells me everyday how happy he is. This to him is the perfect place. We happen to be two of the luckiest people in the world. There are many things that support this statement and I will tell you one of them. We have two friends who own this beautiful two hundred acre farm. It happens to be one of the most beautiful places anywhere in the world. Acres of wide green rolling meadows cover this south facing mountainside from where we sit, perched atop a knoll in a thirty foot long trailer. Outside our door, just 100 feet away, is a huge tilled garden plot, large enough to feed a family three times the size of ours well into the winter season. Between here and there is a fire ring where just last night Paul and I sat in front of a campfire eating dinner from our borrowed lawn chairs while we watched eastern peewees flying over the field diving for insects with a ring of mountains in the far distance, the closest displaying hundreds of shades of green while the furthest extending well into New Hampshire revealing as many shades of blue and grey. Rocket sits at our feet wherever we are or maybe just outside the door when we’re inside, warming his belly in the sun. He has a friend here on the farm too and watching the two of them is enchanting as they are the same size and seem to delight in the company of each other. Behind us and just to one side, the shade of the woods helps to keep us cool on the hot days and bring all sorts of sounds of wildlife up close and personal. So here we are. Incredibly grateful to our friends who have welcomed us to use this place while we land and regroup and figure out what’s next.

So what is next? Paul is encouraging me to slow down and not move too fast towards anything. Funny but that’s one reason why we left Brazil and came here when we did, because we were in a hurry to find our homestead before the end of summer. We thought it would be most important to start planting and building and secure a place with good water and the ability to feed ourselves before the summer events we foresaw coming. We were sure then that world war three was in the making and there was a good chance something big would take place likely on the fourth of July. Maybe it still will, though you’d never know there was anything out of the ordinary going on in this calm idyllic pastoral setting. All our family, friends and acquaintances seem safe and secure in their same world as when we left without any change. They don’t seem to be encountering any economic hardships or even down turns. Perhaps with an unspoken feeling of pity for our misguided ways, we are treated with just the slightest sense of care and coddling while being acknowledged for our bravado at trying something so daring as our move to Brazil. It could be my imagination which does tend to run wild, but on the other hand I’m more perceptive than most give me credit for.

So what exactly is going on in the world and does it even matter? Not too many people around us seem to think about it much or care, but then we haven’t got out much yet, so maybe I’m wrong. More time out with people might tell. It’s not easy to live in the moment while at the same time preparing for the future. And preparing for a future is merely guesswork anyway. I suppose with a 50/50 chance of getting it even close. Lao Tzu would say, stay close to home, keep it simple. And Rumi reminds me that like the cows in his poem who eat grass every day and worry all night that there wont be any grass to eat in the morning, I too whine with my mouth full.

I do an awful lot of worrying about not having enough money lately while sitting with my little balance in the bank waiting for the right little piece of land to buy. I’m afraid to spend too much on coffee and donuts because just around the next corner is some government regulation costing me hundreds in registration fees or taxes and I wouldn’t want to come up short. There’s no way I’m going to go to an acupuncturist to fix my injured wrists because surely that will blow my limited budget and the possibility of buying some land will dwindle away. But damn it I am tired of worrying and being afraid and absolutely over living at the affect of that.

We don’t have the kind of access to the internet we once did and so are not getting the kind of information we were once more easily exposed to. Taking the time to do it seems more of an annoyance than an easily obtainable thing, but Paul has been listening to local radio and reports that everything on the airwaves is designed to keep people afraid and in a state of anger and lack. What I’ve noticed since returning to the US is that daily I see chemical trails in the skies and I know we are being sprayed with barium among other poisons and I feel the effects of it. I am almost constantly in a state of agitation, confusion and often argumentative. This isn’t like me. But how to avoid it here is the big question. I’m sure Dr Rima’s health network connection could sell me something to combat the ill effects of it but then there goes that pesky budget again. I’m with David Icke these days, we both know an awful lot about what’s going on in the world, but we can see a positive outcome in all of it and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that consciousness is changing. We’re coming into a new era and this one has to go away to allow the new one to take it’s place. We need to change our vibration to one of love and get out of fear and live in the world we want to see now. It’s not so easy, but I’m staying focused on that outcome.

So possibilities abound at the moment. Who knows where Paul and I will be three or six months from now. I can no longer guarantee or even say with any certainty that you will find us living on a Vermont homestead because we could be anywhere. Ambiguity is without a doubt more open to possibilities, yet unsettling in a foggy surreal kind of way. Like the cartoon I have framed and hanging on the wall, Coyote loved that nothing was real, the wind remained favorable, the weather fair and the unreality felt firm beneath his feet.

May 16, 2010

Sunday May 16, 2010

Guilford, Vermont

USA

Today makes 11 days since the start of this newsletter. Much has happened since I began to write this and recording our journey has had many skips and starts….

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Sao Paulo, Brazil

Day one of a more than 24 hour journey home, we left Nossa Hotel in Cidade Eclectica at six o' clock this morning. We spent the last two days there so we’d be closer to the airport as the paperwork to travel with Rocket required subsequent trips to the airport since Monday. A small mix up at the airport turned out to be a blessing in disguise as we were rushed onto an earlier flight than anticipated because TAM was unable to find the confirmation on the last leg of our trip for baggage space for Rocket. They wanted us to have plenty of time in Sao Paulo to work with United Airlines to resolve our travel issues. It saved us two additional take-offs and landings, as the original flight had us flying from Brasilia to Cuiaba in Matta Grosso onto Campo Grande in Matta Grosso do Sul and then to Sao Paulo, over a nearly six hour period. Instead we took a direct flight and were here in less than 2 hours. Before long we were able to discern that the confirmation for Rocket was associated with Paul’s reservation rather than mine and since he was already traveling with Paul there was no more room for him to also travel with me. Ahhhh airlines are delightful, are they not?

So we are spending the day in the airport while we await our 9 pm overnight flight, eleven hours in route from here to Chicago and another two hours afterwards to Burlington. It’s fine. Having spent most of this last year in South America I have learned the art of patience and waiting long times no longer ruffles my feathers. I have no urgency to be anywhere and I can now be peacefully where I am even if it’s at an airport.

My abilities with the language of Brazilian Portuguese have improved to the stage where I no longer fret overly much at being able to communicate as needed. I have in fact taught complicated psychological models and systems, like the Enneagram and Ego Development to friends in Portuguese. I have spoken to people in Portegnol (a combination of Portuguese and Spanish) whom I once was unable to conduct even a basic conversation, thanks to my time with Uta. So even without the aid of a friend to translate I have dealt with complicated affairs at the bank and several factions of authorities at the airport and veterinarians and agriculture departments. I leave Brazil with a sense of satisfaction at having acquired this skill. I feel confident that I can bring people here now as a guide should that opportunity present itself in the future.

This is something I would like to pass along. It would give me great pleasure and honor to act as a tour guide to accompany groups to Brazil whether to come for healing with John of God or with the numerous mediums at Cidade Ecletica, to visit and know the esoteric places where there are many different kinds of spiritual work being done or the ecological places where the landscape reveals magnificent arrays of waterfalls, the tropical birds in their magnificence and the flora which offers an abundance of natural medicinal and healing properties. I may perhaps plan to return during the coldest of the winter months should you or someone you know wish to accompany me.

Friday May 7, 2010

En route from Vermont to Massachusetts

After many hours of sitting around the airport waiting to check in for our second flight from Sao Paulo to Chicago, we had our first unpleasant encounter with an American company, United Airlines, as a representative of the company approached us in the line with the bad news that there was no way we could travel with our dog in his “un bolted” although formerly FAA approved kennel. With an unpleasant and overly authoritative attitude, he barked this news upsetting my then sense of calm state of acceptance at our long travel day. I admit, I lost my cool and burst into a short spell of tears ands rage directed at everything American in general. Sixty dollars and forty five minutes later Rocket was sent off to his eleven hour flight, two hours early in a new and larger FAA approved kennel, but not happy with the situation as he was quite at ease in his old familiar and very cozy one. Typical to most upsets, which are never really about what they seem, I was disappointed with my lack of emotional control and the fact that “they got me.” I was probably ready to be pissed off at any sign of anything associated with the US government and the fact that I was reluctantly returning to subject myself to their invasion of my personal freedom, not to mention that there always seems to be somebody with their hand out for my money.

That behind us we next had to pass through Brazilian immigration and wait while they reviewed our passports to allow us the ability to leave without imposing a fine upon us for staying beyond the 90 day period stamped on our passports. Knowing this could be a problem, we had taken the time to visit on separate occasions both the federal Police at the airport and the Ministry of Labor who were reviewing our permanent visa applications as well as having our friend visit the attorney who had an appeal process in progress to reverse the denial for our original application. With a paper in hand that showed our process was underway awaiting determination we were prepared to have this encounter. Just another delay for beaurocracy from the governing slave masters….

We did after all choose a mercury retrograde time to travel in, so what did we expect, smooth travels? We boarded the plane on time but sat on the runway an extra hour before take off. Assigned to the row that has wonderful extra leg room, but no space to put your stuff under the seat in front of you, we waited for the movie screen to drop down from the ceiling having heard a garbled announcement that the movie was about to begin. However it was half way into the start of the movie before we realized it was being shown on the individual screens located on the seat backs and since we didn’t have seat backs in front of us, it occurred to us to ask, “hey, what’s the deal?” and be shown that we had a flip up screen attached to the underside of our seats. No big deal, just another little example of the mercury retrograde.

It wasn’t a bad night really. I’d quickly recovered from my former upset with United Airlines and the FAA and we both managed to sleep. But before that we had two really cool interactions with men in our row who at first seemed cold and withdrawn until they realized we could speak Portuguese and they could carry on a conversation with us in their limited English. With our Portuguese, they lost all reservations about trying out their English knowing they could fill in with Portuguese if need be. They wanted so much to chat and be friendly. I point this out only to illustrate how often people seem to be unfriendly when in fact they really want to be but feel limited by language ability and hesitate to even try.

The transition in Chicago wasn’t too bad. We found Rocket and all our luggage, went through the ridiculous interrogation at customs where we had to explain in detail why we were traveling back from Brazil with a dog and let them examine his papers, both old and new along with his dog food and then have his two kennels examined by a rubber gloved TSA agent. Paul at least did have a chance to take him outside before we had to check him back in for the last flight. I watched through the window of our small plane while Rocket was loaded onto the ramp and up into the baggage compartment of the plane, followed by all four of our suitcases and last of all, his old, now empty travel kennel. That flight was short and easy and we thought we’d arrived in Burlington with all the hassles behind us until Paul arrived at Enterprise where he had reserved a rental only to be refused the car because he does not possess a major credit card. We have eliminated credit cards from our life and only use a bank debit card for electronic purchases. Not a terribly big deal, as Avis was only too happy to rent us one even better at the same price, excepting the fact that the insurance rate was $15 higher per day. We were pleased though when they said all they had was an SUV as we stood looking at our two rolling carts overloaded with luggage and dog crates and knew without question we would fit. “I knew we’d be driving a dark blue car,” Paul told me, “though I didn’t know it would be an SUV.” He was happy. Vermont of course is beautiful. The spring has come early this year and the sun was shining, the air was crisp, but not cold.

Stopping first for a bagel, as passing by it called out to me though we’d been shooting for a diner, neither of which exists in Brazil; all was well in our world this sunny mid day afternoon. We couldn’t resist traveling the back roads so we could see some of Vermont we’d never seen, opting for a few extra hours of driving so we could pass by two or three parcels of land we’d searched out on the internet before our arrival at our friends farm. Arriving just at the dinner hour, our friends were ready and waiting with a delicious dinner and Paul was again very happy.

I must admit I have mixed feelings about being back in the US and in Vermont. Though it’s certainly beautiful, the harsh realities of how costly it will be to live here, to build a home from scratch, the extreme weather conditions we can count on dealing with all have me momentarily wishing I was still in the chapada’s cerrada where it’s never cold or more expensive than I can provide for. But seeing Paul so happy, I keep pushing aside my doubts and keep myself focused on creating great outcomes for our future.

This morning was a fortuitous one. We stopped at a car dealership to see what kind of used trucks they had on the lot. “What are you looking for exactly,” the salesman asked. “I want a standard transmission, an extended cab, but not one with four doors so it doesn’t shorten the truck bed, a six cylinder engine and I don’t want to pay more than $6,000,” Paul said adding, “I know that might be almost impossible to find.” Five minutes later the salesman returned to take us to see one which had arrived as a trade in only that morning. It was exactly what Paul had determined he wanted after more than a week of shopping all the sites on line in a one hundred mile radius of Brattleboro. It was even the color we both wanted, not that color would have had any affect on our decision; not exactly under $6000, but close enough.

We also stopped to see if the two cell phones we had could be made functional, not expecting to really have any luck, but to be told we’d have to purchase new ones. This too went easily and smoothly; perhaps a sign that things will flow easily from here; that this is where the Way wants us to be? Maybe…. I’m not thoroughly convinced yet but so far so good.

Our sweet friends have offered us the use of a great trailer while we find our next place. It sits on top of a hill on their farm with a view over a gently sloping field and beyond to the mountains which ring the distant valley. Out the other three sides we look into the now budding forest of trees which nestle this corner of their homestead. There’s a huge new plot already tilled and sitting ready for me to plant our summer garden just outside the door. Theirs already has perennials growing and early spring seeds planted. It appears to be the promise of a great summer as we manifest the future we have decided to create.

Tuesday May 11, 2010

Guilford, Vermont

Nearly a week since traveling back, with full days of activities and not much time to write. I added the last entry while driving in our rental car from the Brattleboro area to Cape Cod on the eastern coast of Massachusetts where we spent the weekend visiting Paul’s daughter Kiki and her mom and mom’s partner. On the way down we left a deposit on the truck I described. However not having the night to sleep on it which both Paul and I really need before making any of our decisions, we later realized it was not the truck we wanted and spent some unnecessary time undoing our hasty decision. More on the truck saga later but I’d like to elaborate just a moment on this design we both have in our personalities that strongly suggests all our decisions be given a night to sleep on it.

When we were in Alto Paraiso we encountered a group of people working with a system of personality development called Human Design. The system incorporates the I Ching, astrology and the Kabbalah to create what is referred to as your personal human design. It is uncannily accurate and also quite intriguing for us as psychologists interested in models that describe human behaviors and inherent characteristics. Although Paul and I are entirely different in design, we do share this characteristic of needing time to respond.

Thursday May 13, 2010

Guilford, Vermont

So little time these days to write that I see I’ve barely even been able to complete a thought. A quick review, just to catch you up and then I will let things settle a bit and resume writing when I can actually focus on it for more than a stolen moment or two.

Today we drove to Connecticut and bought a truck. I’ll spare the details because in the end they are not all that interesting. Tomorrow we will drive up to Burlington and return the rental. We are here today one week. We are moved into a roomy trailer with a slide out breakfast nook, a dedicated bedroom with windows around three sides and the most fabulous views as we are perched atop a knoll with a long view that goes for miles and miles to the far mountains on the other side of the valley. Vermont is one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen anywhere in the world and this spring it is a hundred different shades of green. This morning a thick fog lay in the valley giving the illusion of a large body of water. The sun shone today and the air was warm enough to leave the jacket inside, wearing only a turtleneck and a corduroy shirt. After Brazil’s tropical climate, it felt fresh and crisp and comfortable compared with yesterday’s chilly grey overcast and rainy skies. The grey days do have a tendency to make me feel a bit blue and color my perspective like the day, grey and dismal. But the flip side of that is that when the sun comes out and the skies are blue, I appreciate them more in their contrast. Day after day of sunny skies and they just become another day, nothing special. Here in Vermont weather is a factor to be reckoned with. It is an event. When the rain stops, you drop everything and get outside to do all those things you were unable to do when the rain kept you in, snuggling by your cozy mug of tea or your woodstove if you’re lucky enough to have one (we have an electric radiator.)

So that life shouldn’t get too easy, this morning while hanging laundry I tripped over a root while retrieving a pair of pants that fell into the rock garden. Falling forward onto a large flat rock I braced my fall with both wrists, but not in time to prevent my chin from a violent whack on the rock and the painful injury to both wrists. Surprised actually that I’m able to type tonight, the injury makes my busy life a little more complex and dependent on the help of others. Sucks! But in spite of the pain, today I feel positive. So strange how much one’s internal state changes our perceptions and thus our reality to such a degree that one day life seems void of everything worthwhile while the next unlimited possibilities abound.

Monday May 17, 2010

Sunrise Farm

Guilford, Vermont

At last, I have more than a stolen moment to review what I started writing now 12 days ago when we were leaving Brazil to return to Vermont. We are settled into our summer home. We have an additional screen room tent which Paul will use as an art studio and holds some of the overflow items we don’t wish to crowd the trailer with set at the highest spot on the hill looking out over the same (only better) view I’ve already described. Now at last with our transportation and housing needs met, we can begin to resume life again. Although Paul will continue to be on the lookout for opportunities to consult as a developmental psychologist, his focus now is upon returning to the world of art and artisans as a painter. In my opinion an artist needs to be creating art. Since I’ve known him I’ve been encouraging him to return to his art and now at last he has arrived at a place and time to do that.

We continue to be on the lookout for the right piece of land in the hopes that we will find something in time to be under shelter before winter comes. We are determined to create a life free from debt with as little involvement with the system (a system which, in our opinion, does not work) as possible. I will continue to journal our progress as we attempt to reconstruct a working life outside the system on a manageable yet very small economy. Perhaps there are some of you who will find this kind of information useful, or at the very least amusing and entertaining, maybe even inspiring? Today, however I will wrap this one up so that we can move ahead in a more timely and up to date manner. With a heart full of love for each of you, thanks for following along with our adventure.

April 28, 2010

April 28, 2010

Alto Paraiso

Loved Ones,

A few disjointed things I wanted to pass along before forgetting:

Last week when Paul and I visited Abadiania to see John of God, we noticed a flyer announcing an upcoming event in New York in September. Should anyone with a health problem be interested in personally seeing John of God, or if you know someone else who might be, he will be at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, New York from September 27 through 30^th. I wrote about volunteering and just heard back that there is limited housing left available for the event, should you want to take the opportunity to see him while he is closer than Brazil. Here’s a link to Omega’s website:

http://eomega.org/omega/workshops/07f3db91f6c14ef5c8a3d6b4e9646249/

It’s unfortunate that there is a fee charged to see him at Omega, when there is none charged in Brazil. It’s quite important that money not be involved with spiritual work, but this factor could be the very thing as I sort through my feelings on differences that exist between living in the US and living in Brazil, that has my comfort level be so much greater here in Brazil. I’ve had to give very little attention or thought to money since being here. As I make my plans to return back, I am finding several events, workshops and gatherings I am interested in attending, but the costs of attending seem prohibitive. I recall all throughout my life times when I’ve wanted to learn something or go somewhere but couldn’t or didn’t because the cost was too high. But these money concerns are my lessons to deal with this lifetime and perhaps for you these concerns do not play a role. Covering the costs of producing an event are valid and indeed I would venture to guess less than the airfare to Brazil, so well worth the expense should you have a health problem you wish to treat.

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The last few days we have been listening to an internet radio show broadcast on YouTube that has given me some inspiration. I wanted to also send along that link, should any of you be interested in listening: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7zG8Cfh6FY

It’s with Max Igan entitled “How to Save the World” about 50 minutes in length in 5 parts.

He often talks so eloquently about the very things I often think about. In a strange way I’ll sometimes find my way to one of his talks just as I’ve been thinking of the very things he is speaking on, noticing that we are both coming to the same conclusions. I appreciate him so much.

Actually more along this same line of thought…. One of the people we most appreciate listening to, David Icke, has been doing many new interviews to promote his new book, Human Race, Get Off Your Knees - The Lion Sleeps No More. This evening we are listening to the following one: David Icke interview on April 24, 2010 on Journeys with Rebecca Radio. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTTnriwxJsk

Again, something I really enjoyed listening to……..

Both Paul and I have been on this long journey of discovery as some of you have been following along with through my journaling. Like these two researchers, Max Igan and David Icke, we have come to many of the same observations and conclusions, if you could call them that because we are far from having a conclusion. We have come to these things both on our own and through these two and other sources. As I listen to the main points of what they are saying, so much better than I could ever do, I want to share with you that what is most important now is to change our vibration from one of fear to one of love, compassion and empathy. The era is changing to a new age and we will break the chains that hold us in bondage to a system that doesn’t work and serves only to control and subdue our inherent nature. I resist now listening to some researchers whose focus is solely on uncovering the horrendous activities of those in power. Because they often cause me to feel anxiety and agitation which raises my fears and keeps me in a low level vibration, exactly that which those who wish to control me are going for. On the other hand, it’s also important that we discover the truth, and stop going along without question.

Our focus now and before now has been on the development of human consciousness. When we look at the events that are transpiring and the revelations that are being exposed, we look from a perspective of how all this is changing who and what we are, not just individually but as a species of humanity. Something like 98% of our human potential has been systematically denied to us but all that is changing.

The other key point that is coming to light now is the interplay between good and evil. In the old TV Westerns you could tell who the good guys were and who the bad guys were; at least who they wanted you to think they were. Now that nothing is what it seems questions keep popping up relating to this very thing. If all that is occurring is for the purpose of evolving consciousness, then are the players who would appear to be absolute evil necessary in this unfolding? In the final analysis are they really playing a role for the end good? So much of what we have discovered in our quest to know more about spiritism has shown us that it is highly likely that both forces are equally present at one and the same time. When we first discovered this our tendency was to shy away from things that could easily be open to dark forces. However we have since come to believe that in all things like yin and yang, one can not exist without the other, one creates the other. More on this topic at a later time……

As we prepare to leave here and return to the mountains of Vermont, we have been doing some preliminary scouting over the internet. Today Paul was thrilled to find a group right in Brattleboro of people building with natural resources and helping each other to learn and share techniques and people power. What joy! They are building with cobb and straw bale, salvaged materials and using what is readily available. Ah, my heart sings with joy to know there is already a support group there we can band together with to bring our dream into reality. Stay tuned to the newsletter if you’d like to share our journey in building an off the grid sustainable house and creating a life free of the banksters involvement in our affairs.

May 1^st

Happy birthday to Phyllis Selesnick, my mom!

This Saturday morning starts my last weekend here in High Paradise (Alto Paraiso.) I will shortly walk around the corner to the feria (the weekly farmers market,) more to find and say so long to the friends and acquaintances than to shop, as with only 2 days left I resist buying more food than I will use. The last days in a place are difficult, with one foot already out the door; it’s not possible to continue routines up to the last minute. There’s also a pull between sadness at leaving one place and happiness at arriving at another. I know this expression is over used to the point of almost being trite, but it still holds so much profound wisdom in it that it bears repeating, “When one door closes, another door opens.”

Paul and I both have always thrived on change. Even when things are unfolding beautifully and smoothly and we have found routines that really work, we begin to feel the call for something new. This one factor perhaps more than any other holds us together in times when we notice we are going in different directions desiring different things- yet usually with the same outcomes. I personally also like a challenge. If things seem too easy, there’s something in my nature that wants to take it up a notch and make it more of a struggle. That’s my personality type though, the beautiful struggle, but always the victor over the struggle in the final analysis. Though these days, more and more, I am yearning for easy.

Honestly I would have been quite happy, delighted and content to stay here in Brazil for a while more….. not in the town but outside of town, building a home and planting a garden. This is still my desire – the call to create a home again, whether here or there now doesn’t really seem to matter, as I adore both places. For a while now I have had this yearning to create it all with my own hands, the art project of a lifetime and now I have the confidence to do it. I’ve been gathering the pieces of the puzzle that will have it all fit together. I invite any of you who are interested to come and join us for a while, as a way to learn, spend time together or simply help if you like.

We have already begun our search for land upon which to build and found through the internet some viable options to pursue. We’ll be in high gear on our return with the intention of breaking ground this summer and being in by winter. We welcome helping hands and hearts – come pitch a tent and get your hands in the mud!

All for today…. Until next time…. Happy May!